thearena | though the fear keeps me moving

Entry tags:

though the fear keeps me moving

Who| Karkat and Nill
What| Karkat shares some food with Nill.
Where| Somewhere in the forest.
When| Backdated to second week, after the stampede.
Warnings/Notes| Possible triggers for disordered eating? And Karkat swears a lot.

Goddamn useless fucking stampede, what was that for, who caused it? Somewhere in the chaos Karkat got separated from Dave, and it's only by scrambling his ass up into the low branches of a tree that he got safe from the rushing beats. Hoofbeasts of earthly kinds, things he's seen before or hunted, but now they're too dangerous in their panic to even try to stop. He doesn't try.

That is, until after things have calmed down and he figured out how to get out of the tree - climbing was never his talent - he finds one. It's injured, maybe from running into something or something running into it, but a deer with hurt legs from the way it's limping. This is much easier. He's fought bigger things in the game, fought things more dangerous in the last arena, and it doesn't really take much to get his knife in it.

He winds up near the river, and though he knows fire might draw attention, he risks it. He wants to cook this fucking deer meat while he has the chance, inexpertly butchered though it is. Maybe the river will cover up his noises, or disperse the smell better, or fuck if he knows. He's not the outdoorsy member of his team, and what Roland showed him won't be much use for this.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"What? Oh." Easy to interpret this time one she points, Karkat gets the message and touches a finger to his cheek. "I got knocked around a little at the Cornucopia, not much. Nothing like last time, thank fuck. Everything else is just the usual, scrapes and scratches and junk from hunting, things like that."

He finishes wrapping up her leg, and after securing the bandage closes the first aid kit. "There, that should help. It's not as good as if it could be regularly cleaned and redone, but it's better than nothing."

As if to test the bandages Nill stretches and flexes her leg a little, careful of the range of movement, and she must think it's good because a moment later she sets about very carefully rolling her pant leg down again. Thankfully since the injury was a burn there's no blood on the material, and nothing will seep into the bandages until she starts walking through snow again.

There's some cringing, but she's done quickly, and she offers Karkat a small smile. She's grateful for the help even if she tried to turn it down. Unfortunately for her though there's no real way to properly tell him much of anything like this, and after a moment of consideration she gestures towards one of his hands, holding her own out. Let her see your hand for a minute.

Karkat watches as she tests things and rolls down her pant leg, not unceasingly, but in glances as he puts the kit away into his backpack and closes that up. There's the meet he needs to tend, but a glance in that direction shows it is thankfully not burned. He can turn it in a second.

But first, Nill takes his attention again. He gives her a thumbs up in answer for her smile, but with the gestures then holds his hand out. He looks between hers and her face and asks, "What is it?"

She offers him another small smile, giving herself a moment to pull off one of the gloves she's wearing before taking his hand and turning it over so that she can touch his palm without too much trouble. It takes a little concentration since it requires writing upside down, but she traces out letters against his skin, slowly and carefully, and hopefully if he can keep up with it this communication thing might be a little easier.

T H A N K S

If he can't follow it it's not a major loss, of course. Basic communication isn't all that difficult, and using that method for anything more than a couple words probably wouldn't work out well anyway.

Thanks... Karkat's own mouth slips into a small, lopsided approximation of a smile for that word, distinct enough when he knew the letters of English even before this place forced him to use it only.

"No problem," he says, looking up. "Someone helped me last time, and it's only fair that I pass it along to a friend who needs it."

He'd help her even if not for that, but still.

With his things put away, Karkat scoots back over to the fire to turn the meat again, carefully adjusting it via the sticks he skewered it on. "These should be done soon. I don't have anything to season with, but it's better than air and wishful thinking."

Her expression softens as the smile on her face widens slightly. It's a very tiny change, but Nill huddles a little more under her jacket and blanket and hunches forward a little, shoulders drooping slightly. It's a more relaxed and sloppy position than she typically takes, but it's warm and about the closest she's come to cozy in any Arena, and she really is tired. Relaxing for just a few minutes won't hurt anything.

It doesn't last. Karkat talks about the food again, and when Nill's eyes drift over to the meat she can't quite help but cringe slightly. Nothing about the look or smell of the meat is appetizing for her, but she's not sure if Karkat will let her get away with not eating any. After a hesitant pause she gestures towards one of his hands again. She needs to write more.

Don't think he misses that look. Whatever her issue is he doesn't know, but he has no intent to let her go without eating something. For one thing it's necessary for basic survival, but for another her wound won't be healing unless she has the energy for it. There's absolutely no reason to let her weaken herself by refusing.

So when she motions for his hand, he makes sure the meat is all turned right before scooting back over to hold it out.

While he turns them Nill frequently glances between him and the meat, trying not to get nauseous when she looks at it. It doesn't entirely work.

She spells out N O M E A T on his palm, giving a slightly wary look at his expression when she looks up at him. She's not entirely sure he'll understand that she doesn't eat meat. It had never sounded like Alternians were big on eating vegetables, and if that was really the case then vegetarianism might be entirely out of his range of understanding.

Karkat watches her finger and concentrates on the feeling of what she's tracing, but at about halfway through the E he frowns.

"Nill, do you really think I'm going to let you go without eating something?" He fixes her with a stern look, then motions over to the cooking venison. "I have more meat than I know what to do with, and since I don't know how to preserve it it's just going to rot if it doesn't get put to use. Besides, you have a burn. You think that's going to heal right without the energy to do it?" he asks, adding another gesture to her leg.

She spares the meat another glance, but it doesn't really make it anymore appetizing that it was a second ago, or even a week ago. She is hungry, of course - not being hungry when she's been rationing her supplies and giving some of them away would be impossible - but since meat is not a smell that she's ever really associated with her own hunger, for now the gnawing hunger is beaten by the nausea.

She frowns slightly and pats her bag with her hand. She still has some stuff, though if Karkat were to look he'd probably say it wasn't enough, or possibly ask why she hadn't eaten some of it yet. Nill makes no moves to open it and instead reaches over for the vodka bottle again so she can unscrew the top and down another mouthful.

That stern look hasn't gone anywhere, and if anything it intensifies for the way she just pats her bag. Was she even listening? To match her gesture, he points back behind to where the meat is roasting, then waves his finger for extra emphasis.

But that was too subtle, right?

"Meat. Tons of fresh meat roasting on the fucking fire for you and me, offered freely and of no demand out of the graciousness of my alien bloodpusher. More meat than you and I can handle alone. Meat that will go bad if you don't eat it, you whiny clump of feathers." He adds another wave for punctuation, then brings his hand in to pat the side of her knee - the one on the leg without the burn.

"If you've got stuff in there and it's the kind that lasts, then it will last you longer if you save it now and eat this. Do not even think I won't bust out the insistent lusus noises if I have to, Nill."

Nill does not look anywhere near being more open to the idea of eating the meat. It will probably keep her alive longer, granted... but not if she can't keep it down. That's just going to be a waste all around. God, and the poor kids in her District watching this... they must be judging the fuck out of her right now, and with fair reason, too. People from almost every world she's been to would judge her for this, and all of them with excellent reasons.

She shudders, and it's not even remotely related to the cold this time. However, after staring at the meat for several long seconds she hesitantly nods, and then goes back for more vodka. Do not judge her Karkat, she's not gonna be able to manage this sober.

Karkat's shoulders lose some of their tension for her nod, but the reluctance doesn't have him pleased. He's not encouraged by the extra vodka intake, though not for the usual reasons.

"I don't know why you're drinking that much. I like you enough without the soporifics," he comments as he shuffles back to the fire to check the meat again. Nearly done. "And the river's not far that way if you're just thirsty."

Never once has alcohol really been framed in a way for Nill that she would think people were more likable while inebriated, or even find it a norm. Almost no one she knew every really drank for social reasons, save for when one of her friends used to visit her in the Port, and that was... complicated. As such, Nill probably looks a little more confused than she might be normally. What was that supposed to mean?

She does cap the bottle though, and shoves it back into her bag. Nill is about as lightweight as lightweights come, and anymore in addition to the meat might have unfortunate consequences later. Better to save the rest, and between the extra layers, the fire, and the alcohol, she's feeling pretty cozy now.

Karkat, for his part, does not particularly understand the ins and outs of human alcohol and addiction. All he knows is Rose got more personable and cheery when she was drinking it; if not for Dave, he wouldn't have realized it was any kind of problem. Even now, the specifics are beyond him.

He meets her confused look with a raised eyebrow, but says no more when she moves to put the drink away. It would be easier if she had something more to write on than his hand.

Instead he waits and tends the meat as it cooks. It doesn't take too long to finish, and once it looks about right he starts pulling the makeshift skewer sticks from their little holes in the dirt. Some he jabs down further from the fire, to keep them off the dirt but not burning, but it's only so long before he's holding one over to her.

"I insist." His look matches.

It's really a shame that there haven't been any sponsors that want to send her paper and pen. Perhaps expected given the nature of the Arenas, but this is her first without her telepathy, and communication has already been a hundred times harder than usual. Not fun.

Actually eating the meat is an inevitability, but Nill still grimaces a little when he holds the skewer out for her. She takes it without trying to argue again though, and blows on it a couple times before biting off a chunk. Though she very visibly shudders she continues eating, because for all her distaste for meat it could taste worse, and she's so hungry.

Karkat watches her with a sense of wariness born from her earlier attitudes, and it proves to be for good reason. The grimace, the shudder - those aren't really normal reactions, and he frowns, even as he takes and chews a bite from his own skewer.

Once he's swallowed, he asks, "What's the problem? It doesn't taste that awful, does it?"

It's taking her about twice as long to actually eat the meat compared to Karkat; she keeps taking ridiculously small bites from the meat (as small as you can manage when you're forced to chew on chunks of meat, anyway) and more or less swallowing it whole, hoping that if she doesn't chew on it then she might not need to worry about setting off her gag reflex.

'Awful' is not exactly the right word. She glances at Karkat, and then the meat, and sort of offers an awkward one-shouldered shrug. But it's an opportunity to not continue eating meat, so with one hand she reaches into her bag and pulls out one of the few rations she still has, circling a small image on the package that shows it has something that was a vegetable at some point, even if whether it still counts as such might be a little questionable after processing. Veggies. Not meat.

This probably isn't gonna convey all that much without an actual notepad or words to give him the right idea, but can't blame her for trying. He can, however, blame her for avoiding eating again.

Karkat leans over to look properly, and... okay, that's a vegetable. He knows what they are, and it's obvious he doesn't have any here to roast over the fire, so it feels like he has to be missing something.

He shifts his skewer-stick to his other hand and holds out the right, palm-up. "Write for me because I don't understand what you're getting at."

He takes another bite. Despite her mysterious qualms, he's not going to turn his nose up, and he doesn't need an empty mouth to feel traced letters.

Anything to keep from shoving another chunk of dead animal into her mouth, even if it's what her stomach desperately wants (while it's not trying to make her sick, anyway). A glove gets pulled off again before she takes his hand to write against it again.

D O N T E A T M E A T

She's extra careful this time, and when she finishes she doesn't let go of his hand again right away, instead waiting to see if he understood, or if he wants a better answer than that. She hopes he doesn't, because if he does she doesn't have one.

Don't eat meat? The letters spell that clearly, no mistake when she's that careful in shaping it. He swallows his mouthful, and thinks about the vegetable symbol she just pointed to before.

"Okay, why you would want veggies over meat I don't know, but I'm not the girl who looks like a bird here." He looks back to her, and this time his gaze holds a sympathetic light to it. "But as it stands, meat is all I've got. So long as it's not going to actively harm you, I'd still like it if you try to finish that. You need energy to keep going in this place, and you're not going to get that from soporifics and air. Alright?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

though the fear keeps me moving

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

I'm too lazy to renew my paid, ignore how dramatic this icon is

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject