thearena | though the fear keeps me moving

By some miracle Nill has actually done relatively well for herself in this Arena. The first week or so was freezing, and she moved from one place to another as frequently as possible, never stopping for much. If it got too cold and she fell asleep she'd be done for, but she had no real way of finding anyone she trusted. Linden had fixed that issue for the most part - he send her enough supplies to keep her warm and at least mostly comfortable, even if she did end up leaving about half of that with Davesprite when it became apparent his Bird Instincts weren't worth shit. She'd managed to make what she had left last for about three times as long as it was intended to.

Unfortunately with how tiny Nill was that tended to make it obvious at times when she was losing weight, and the more weight she lost the easier the cold seeped into her skin to settle in the marrow of her bones. Though she has a fire starting kit she hasn't dared to use it and has instead mostly just tried to stick to staying at the fires of others if possible. Make sure they don't get killed for a half hour and warm up, then leave. It wasn't a bad system.

Karkat is about the last person she's expecting to run into when she finally finds the source of the smoke she'd seen in branches. Nill almost looks a little relived when she spots him, and she tries not to be too quiet when she approaches the fire. Gotta love the improvising you need to do when you can't just say hi to someone.

Karkat has been lucky. At the start he got a backpack from the Cornucopia without much injury, which had in it a parka, some food, and some awful-smelling bug repellant he wanted nothing to do with. He met Dave right after, gave him the sorry excuse for crackers in his bag, and they killed a goose together. It wasn't too bad. Even a run-in with poison ivy turned out without too much trouble once he ran into Roland. But come this week, the sponsors have delivered with more than he expected. The Signless and Linden were among them, but with miscellaneous gifts on top he wound up with a second parka, warm accessories, a blanket, two knives, and a first aid kit. It's made things a lot smoother, the earlier stampede aside--though even that has yielded its benefit.

He's more hopeful that this time may go better, but not enough to let his guard down. He hasn't forgotten this is the arena.

When he hears approaching footsteps he wonders first if he should run, but a sharp part of his mind objects furiously to surrendering his deer. He grabs a knife and watches and waits, hoping that the noise doesn't mean whoever it is feels so confident they don't need to hide themself--but it turns out for good.

Nill. He'd recognize her anywhere.

"Jegus, don't startle me," he calls like a huff of breath. His limbs loosen, then he waves her over with the knife still in hand. "Come over here and sit. I killed a hoofbeast and there is no way I can eat it all."

Nill offers him a very small, apologetic sort of smile. One day she'll figured out a better way to go about letting people know she's actually around, but until then she'll just have to settle for not actually sneaking up on people.

At the suggestion Nill looks over the dead deer before she moves to take a seat near the fire, now pointedly looking at anywhere but the deer. She shoves her own knife into her boot, always within relative reach, and sets her own supplies down.

Hopefully he'll be too distracted to pursue the meat thing. Nill holds her palms out towards the fire, a slight shudder going through her at the sudden temperature change, but it's so much nicer. She was starting to not actually be able to feel her fingers, which is about the last thing you want when your only weapons are knives.

She gives him a general look over, trying to see if there's anything obviously injured about him. Outside of malnutrition Nill seems to have done well for herself save for a very obvious burn on her calf. Thankfully can't feel a great deal of because of the cold.

As Nill settles Karkat busies himself with the meat. He has several chunks skewered on sticks he's stripped the bark off of, their tail ends planted in the dirt and angle. He turns them now, trying to ensure some degree of even cooking, even if the pieces are uneven. He wishes not for the first time that he had at least some salt to put on them, but food is food, and he'll stuff himself with bland venison if it means he lives longer.

He's not bad off, himself. There's a healing bruise on one cheek, and a few scrapes and scratches visible in places, but nothing really worth worrying about. His clothes are roughed up but serviceable, and he has a warm hat pulled on his head.

When he looks back up, he about slaps himself for not doing it sooner. She doesn't look grievously hurt, apart from the burn he spots when he looks lower, but the rest is too telling. It's been a week and change and she looks thinner already, reminding him disturbingly of how she was when he first found her in the last arena. He's willing to bet she's cold, too.

"What happened? You look like hell." His eyes trace over her again as if he can't believe it. She needs food, and he's got that, but how about that burn? He turns to grab his backpack. "Hold on, I've got a first-aid kit in here I can use to help your leg."

Edited (liked this wording better) 2015-02-18 08:35 (UTC)

Generally speaking, Nill has largely considered herself a lot better off in this arena than the last one that they were in. She ate significantly less there, not really trusting much of anything there to not kill her, but in this Arena they could actually get sponsor gifts, and Linden had made sure to send her a good chunk of supplies. He even got her vodka, which is both high in calories and most importantly alcoholic. Linden rocks man.

Having evidently warmed her hands enough Nill pulls them back to herself, flexing the fingers a few times over while she debates how to actually answer that. She waits until he's looking at her again before point at the fire, and then at the trees. Forest fire. She's not sure he'll get the meaning, but even if he only understand the fire bit it's probably explanation enough.

At the mention of a first aid kit though she shakes her hand and waves one hand slightly, the gesture obviously dismissive. 'I'm fine' seems to be the implication. The burn itself isn't infected, but it certainly looks far from pleasant. Closer to the middle it could probably be considered a third degree burn.

He doesn't quite get the meaning when she points, not entirely, but the idea that there was a fire somewhere is enough. But why is she refusing? He frowns at her because there's no mistaking her gesture, and he turns back to take the kit out anyway.

"Nill, I tied a rope around your waist last arena and it did all of jack shit. What rotted your pan that you want to refuse when I have actual medical supplies?" He moves over to where she is, crouches down, and pops the case open to look over the supplies. There's gauze and bandages and antiseptic, among other things. "And don't even try to say I should keep them to myself. I'm not the one with the jacked up frond. Do you want it to get infected?"

Now he looks back, his gaze stern. He won't budge easily on this.

If it were anyone else Nill would be more than happy to insist he shouldn't a few more times. People tended to not pursue things like that outside of a few ofers to be on the safe side. It's very much not the case with Karkat; he'd probably insist until he was blue in the face, so there isn't much point in continuing. Her smile is awkward and a little strained, but she gestures toward the burn, a relatively simple go ahead.

Then she shoves her hands into the pockets on the parka because it's really, really cold.

That's what he wanted, and the set of his eyes eases now that she's given him permission. Which he would keep going with, if not for what she does with her hands. "Shit, you're probably cold too, right? Hold on. I'm not using this stuff right now..."

And with the kit set down, he goes and grabs his bag to bring back over. He might be colder if he hadn't been around the fire for a while, but it helps that he's been eating better than she has from the looks of it. Not perfectly, not here in the arena, but he's gotten by. He doesn't even bother to look at her as he plops back down and digs through, fetching the scarf and gloves (which he'd removed just to deal with the deer carcass) along with the blanket. He hands them at her, the garments in one hand, then the blanket in the other. "Here."

At first a frown tugs at her expression, but she can't do much else about right that seconds. He's turned away from her and it makes communication more or less impossible until he's actually paying attention again. She's expecting something small, like the scarf, but he holds out almost everything he's not currently using right that second to stay warm, and it's far too much. Her eyes go just a little wide, and Nill leans back, pulling one of her hands out of her pocket to give him another dismissive wave. She's not taking that much from him, no way, you couldn't pay her enough to do it. Exsilium was nothing but snow her last several months there. She could probably handle this environment at least a little better than Karkat, if only she didn't get cold so easily.

All things considered she might almost make a decent case for herself if not for the fact that a moment later she needs to put the back of her hand against her mouth to stifle a minor set of coughs.

Karkat has no idea of her history with snow, just that she's sitting here showing all sign of being cold, and he has stuff she can borrow. He gives her that look again for her wave, the stern one, but it verges into sarcastic in the details this time. Then she coughs. He'd be stubborn enough without it, but if she's sick, that seals the deal.

"Okay, no, you are officially stupid. Do I have to wind the scarf around your stem myself? Don't even think I won't; I've wrestled Dave over less." For reasons significantly unrelated to cold weather, but that's not the important part. He shakes his hands and their contents at her. "Put the gloves on, put the scarf on, and put the blanket around you like a sensible person who doesn't want to freeze to death. If I minded sharing I wouldn't be jostling them like a lusus with a fresh carcass at its wiggler.

"Besides," he tips his chin at her leg, "I can't do anything for your burn until my hands are empty."

Edited 2015-02-18 10:38 (UTC)

He just had to make the carcass comment with meat cooking over the fire and other remains off to the side didn't he. Nill makes a face close to a grimace as her gaze shifts over to it for a second, but she can't manage to look at it much more than that. The discomfort and hesitation is still pretty clear on her face but she takes the blanket, setting it on her lap before she takes the gloves and scarf too, freeing up his hands. The gloves go on first, though a little stiffly due to some of the numb still holding on there before she goes about the rest.

Watching her as he is, he catches that glance, but he holds for the moment before he says anything. He waits as she pulls on first the gloves and then the rest, just as told. Even if she's unhappy about it, he'd rather she be warm. He's not going to let her condition get bad on his watch.

"I am sharing my food," he insists again once that's done. "Even with both of us there's going to be more than enough, and some animal or tribute is going to come along later and take it."

There's still the fact she looks like she hasn't had much, but he's fussing over enough already that he holds himself back there.

He grabs the first-aid kit again, then points at her calf. "Can you hold your pant leg out of the way for me?"

If her expression is anything to go by, eating his food looks like one of the last things in the world that Nill actually wants to do. She doesn't bother to try to talk him out of it for now though, instead bending forward to fumble with her pants She has one of her knives slid into her boot and she pulls that out first, jabbing it into the ground before slowly pulling the pant leg up. The edges where burnt flesh meets cloth is the most unpleasant part of it - it sticks, both because of the cold and raw skin, and Nill grimaces the entire time she pulls up it.

She manages, and even manages to roll the leg up over her knee so it won't fall down again and Karkat will have all the room he wants. Nill is not, however, super keen on the idea of sitting through this, so when she's done she reaches for her own bag and fishes out what looks a bottle of clear liquid. Nill unscrews the cap and takes a healthy swig, coughing further almost as soon as it's down her throat, though it's only half due to the cold this time.

He'll have time enough to be insistent when it happens, so he doesn't comment on her expression just yet. Her leg is what's important. It definitely looks unpleasant as she tugs up the material, and he's unsurprised to see it stuck to her skin, but it will need to be pulled loose for him to do this. He winces along in sympathy.

But there, that will do. As she fetches her bottle, he grabs some antiseptic wipes to start cleaning off the area as gently as he can. With something as raw and sore as a burn, he doesn't want to hurt her worse.

He doesn't worry what she's doing, not at first, but he recognizes the scent once the cap is off. "Is that a human soporific?" He looks up, hand paused. "Why did someone send you that?"

The extra care pays off - though Nill winces and cringes from time to time it's never to a point where she tries to instinctively move the wound away from the added hurt, which she certainly did a few times pulling the material off.

The question seems to confuse her a little, and Nill glances between the bottle and Karkat, taking another sip before capping it again and setting it down next to her knife. At least she nods to the first question. The second though... why? Why wouldn't they is almost as good a question. It's very cold out, and the alcohol at least gives the illusion of warmth even if it's not really helping. At a loss for a succinct way to convey any of that finally Nill shrugs. She holds up one hand, thumb and pointer finger extended out - and L, if he'd recognize that. Then she lifts the other and holds up six fingers. District 6, L. Who knows if there are other tributes with Ls in their names, but the only one Nill knows is Linden.

It takes him a moment of squinting at her hand signs before it clicks, namely because he's not used to hand-based communication. His own gestures are all flourish, usually. At least this is relatively transparent.

"Linden?" His eyebrows lift. "He sent me some stuff, but nothing like that." So go figure why Nill got it. It's not really important, and he turns his attention back to what he was doing.

Once her burn is about as clean as he can get it, he takes a tube of ointment, some kind of antibacterial whatever, and a small square of gauze. He squirts a bit of the former onto the latter and sets to dabbing it over the area. It feels safer than using his fingers, and the gauze is at least soft.

"How does it feel?" he asks, glancing up again.

The fact that Linden didn't send Karkat alcohol is not terribly surprising, but it still makes Nill laugh, which gets cut a little short when it morphs into another cough near the end. While a minor cold now, in a couple weeks it'll probably morph into something more devious, and there will be even less to do about that than her current state. But the reminder of something very much not the Arena is nice, and Nill misses her late-night smoking companion.

The dabbing hurts, which is unavoidable, but more importantly it's really cold. It wasn't like the tube was really in a warm place until this point, save for what little it could leech from the fire, and between that and the uncovered skin Nill is grateful despite herself that he was so insistent on her using his things. She sinks a little deeper into the blanket and sticks a hand out to give him a thumbs up, for lack of anything better to try to communicate, or even any better way to actually do it. At least the alcohol has begun to do its job of simulated warmth in her stomach.

A thumbs up is good enough, and he doesn't expect something outstanding besides. Of course it's got to be uncomfortable. His aim is mitigating that. Once the ointment is dabbed across the burn, he grabs a large piece of gauze to cover the wound with, then sets to wrapping it up with bandages.

"Jab me in the shoulder or something if it hurts too much," he says with an upward glance. His goal is to make it snug enough that it won't unravel or slip around, but not so much that it's constrictive or creates excessive pain.

Having something extra set on and around the burns is far from pleasant, but for the most part Nill is pretty good about just flinching and cringing from time to time. Maybe it's a good thing that the nerves are a bit fucked up because of it. In the hope of trying to keep his mind off of worry about her Nill takes the opportunity his glance has provided her. She lifts a hand and taps her cheek, the one parallel to where the bruise is on his own, point pointing at him. What happened?

"What? Oh." Easy to interpret this time one she points, Karkat gets the message and touches a finger to his cheek. "I got knocked around a little at the Cornucopia, not much. Nothing like last time, thank fuck. Everything else is just the usual, scrapes and scratches and junk from hunting, things like that."

He finishes wrapping up her leg, and after securing the bandage closes the first aid kit. "There, that should help. It's not as good as if it could be regularly cleaned and redone, but it's better than nothing."

As if to test the bandages Nill stretches and flexes her leg a little, careful of the range of movement, and she must think it's good because a moment later she sets about very carefully rolling her pant leg down again. Thankfully since the injury was a burn there's no blood on the material, and nothing will seep into the bandages until she starts walking through snow again.

There's some cringing, but she's done quickly, and she offers Karkat a small smile. She's grateful for the help even if she tried to turn it down. Unfortunately for her though there's no real way to properly tell him much of anything like this, and after a moment of consideration she gestures towards one of his hands, holding her own out. Let her see your hand for a minute.

Karkat watches as she tests things and rolls down her pant leg, not unceasingly, but in glances as he puts the kit away into his backpack and closes that up. There's the meet he needs to tend, but a glance in that direction shows it is thankfully not burned. He can turn it in a second.

But first, Nill takes his attention again. He gives her a thumbs up in answer for her smile, but with the gestures then holds his hand out. He looks between hers and her face and asks, "What is it?"

She offers him another small smile, giving herself a moment to pull off one of the gloves she's wearing before taking his hand and turning it over so that she can touch his palm without too much trouble. It takes a little concentration since it requires writing upside down, but she traces out letters against his skin, slowly and carefully, and hopefully if he can keep up with it this communication thing might be a little easier.

T H A N K S

If he can't follow it it's not a major loss, of course. Basic communication isn't all that difficult, and using that method for anything more than a couple words probably wouldn't work out well anyway.

Thanks... Karkat's own mouth slips into a small, lopsided approximation of a smile for that word, distinct enough when he knew the letters of English even before this place forced him to use it only.

"No problem," he says, looking up. "Someone helped me last time, and it's only fair that I pass it along to a friend who needs it."

He'd help her even if not for that, but still.

With his things put away, Karkat scoots back over to the fire to turn the meat again, carefully adjusting it via the sticks he skewered it on. "These should be done soon. I don't have anything to season with, but it's better than air and wishful thinking."

Her expression softens as the smile on her face widens slightly. It's a very tiny change, but Nill huddles a little more under her jacket and blanket and hunches forward a little, shoulders drooping slightly. It's a more relaxed and sloppy position than she typically takes, but it's warm and about the closest she's come to cozy in any Arena, and she really is tired. Relaxing for just a few minutes won't hurt anything.

It doesn't last. Karkat talks about the food again, and when Nill's eyes drift over to the meat she can't quite help but cringe slightly. Nothing about the look or smell of the meat is appetizing for her, but she's not sure if Karkat will let her get away with not eating any. After a hesitant pause she gestures towards one of his hands again. She needs to write more.

Don't think he misses that look. Whatever her issue is he doesn't know, but he has no intent to let her go without eating something. For one thing it's necessary for basic survival, but for another her wound won't be healing unless she has the energy for it. There's absolutely no reason to let her weaken herself by refusing.

So when she motions for his hand, he makes sure the meat is all turned right before scooting back over to hold it out.

While he turns them Nill frequently glances between him and the meat, trying not to get nauseous when she looks at it. It doesn't entirely work.

She spells out N O M E A T on his palm, giving a slightly wary look at his expression when she looks up at him. She's not entirely sure he'll understand that she doesn't eat meat. It had never sounded like Alternians were big on eating vegetables, and if that was really the case then vegetarianism might be entirely out of his range of understanding.

Karkat watches her finger and concentrates on the feeling of what she's tracing, but at about halfway through the E he frowns.

"Nill, do you really think I'm going to let you go without eating something?" He fixes her with a stern look, then motions over to the cooking venison. "I have more meat than I know what to do with, and since I don't know how to preserve it it's just going to rot if it doesn't get put to use. Besides, you have a burn. You think that's going to heal right without the energy to do it?" he asks, adding another gesture to her leg.

She spares the meat another glance, but it doesn't really make it anymore appetizing that it was a second ago, or even a week ago. She is hungry, of course - not being hungry when she's been rationing her supplies and giving some of them away would be impossible - but since meat is not a smell that she's ever really associated with her own hunger, for now the gnawing hunger is beaten by the nausea.

She frowns slightly and pats her bag with her hand. She still has some stuff, though if Karkat were to look he'd probably say it wasn't enough, or possibly ask why she hadn't eaten some of it yet. Nill makes no moves to open it and instead reaches over for the vodka bottle again so she can unscrew the top and down another mouthful.

That stern look hasn't gone anywhere, and if anything it intensifies for the way she just pats her bag. Was she even listening? To match her gesture, he points back behind to where the meat is roasting, then waves his finger for extra emphasis.

But that was too subtle, right?

"Meat. Tons of fresh meat roasting on the fucking fire for you and me, offered freely and of no demand out of the graciousness of my alien bloodpusher. More meat than you and I can handle alone. Meat that will go bad if you don't eat it, you whiny clump of feathers." He adds another wave for punctuation, then brings his hand in to pat the side of her knee - the one on the leg without the burn.

"If you've got stuff in there and it's the kind that lasts, then it will last you longer if you save it now and eat this. Do not even think I won't bust out the insistent lusus noises if I have to, Nill."

Nill does not look anywhere near being more open to the idea of eating the meat. It will probably keep her alive longer, granted... but not if she can't keep it down. That's just going to be a waste all around. God, and the poor kids in her District watching this... they must be judging the fuck out of her right now, and with fair reason, too. People from almost every world she's been to would judge her for this, and all of them with excellent reasons.

She shudders, and it's not even remotely related to the cold this time. However, after staring at the meat for several long seconds she hesitantly nods, and then goes back for more vodka. Do not judge her Karkat, she's not gonna be able to manage this sober.

Karkat's shoulders lose some of their tension for her nod, but the reluctance doesn't have him pleased. He's not encouraged by the extra vodka intake, though not for the usual reasons.

"I don't know why you're drinking that much. I like you enough without the soporifics," he comments as he shuffles back to the fire to check the meat again. Nearly done. "And the river's not far that way if you're just thirsty."

Never once has alcohol really been framed in a way for Nill that she would think people were more likable while inebriated, or even find it a norm. Almost no one she knew every really drank for social reasons, save for when one of her friends used to visit her in the Port, and that was... complicated. As such, Nill probably looks a little more confused than she might be normally. What was that supposed to mean?

She does cap the bottle though, and shoves it back into her bag. Nill is about as lightweight as lightweights come, and anymore in addition to the meat might have unfortunate consequences later. Better to save the rest, and between the extra layers, the fire, and the alcohol, she's feeling pretty cozy now.

Karkat, for his part, does not particularly understand the ins and outs of human alcohol and addiction. All he knows is Rose got more personable and cheery when she was drinking it; if not for Dave, he wouldn't have realized it was any kind of problem. Even now, the specifics are beyond him.

He meets her confused look with a raised eyebrow, but says no more when she moves to put the drink away. It would be easier if she had something more to write on than his hand.

Instead he waits and tends the meat as it cooks. It doesn't take too long to finish, and once it looks about right he starts pulling the makeshift skewer sticks from their little holes in the dirt. Some he jabs down further from the fire, to keep them off the dirt but not burning, but it's only so long before he's holding one over to her.

"I insist." His look matches.

It's really a shame that there haven't been any sponsors that want to send her paper and pen. Perhaps expected given the nature of the Arenas, but this is her first without her telepathy, and communication has already been a hundred times harder than usual. Not fun.

Actually eating the meat is an inevitability, but Nill still grimaces a little when he holds the skewer out for her. She takes it without trying to argue again though, and blows on it a couple times before biting off a chunk. Though she very visibly shudders she continues eating, because for all her distaste for meat it could taste worse, and she's so hungry.

Karkat watches her with a sense of wariness born from her earlier attitudes, and it proves to be for good reason. The grimace, the shudder - those aren't really normal reactions, and he frowns, even as he takes and chews a bite from his own skewer.

Once he's swallowed, he asks, "What's the problem? It doesn't taste that awful, does it?"

It's taking her about twice as long to actually eat the meat compared to Karkat; she keeps taking ridiculously small bites from the meat (as small as you can manage when you're forced to chew on chunks of meat, anyway) and more or less swallowing it whole, hoping that if she doesn't chew on it then she might not need to worry about setting off her gag reflex.

'Awful' is not exactly the right word. She glances at Karkat, and then the meat, and sort of offers an awkward one-shouldered shrug. But it's an opportunity to not continue eating meat, so with one hand she reaches into her bag and pulls out one of the few rations she still has, circling a small image on the package that shows it has something that was a vegetable at some point, even if whether it still counts as such might be a little questionable after processing. Veggies. Not meat.

This probably isn't gonna convey all that much without an actual notepad or words to give him the right idea, but can't blame her for trying. He can, however, blame her for avoiding eating again.

Karkat leans over to look properly, and... okay, that's a vegetable. He knows what they are, and it's obvious he doesn't have any here to roast over the fire, so it feels like he has to be missing something.

He shifts his skewer-stick to his other hand and holds out the right, palm-up. "Write for me because I don't understand what you're getting at."

He takes another bite. Despite her mysterious qualms, he's not going to turn his nose up, and he doesn't need an empty mouth to feel traced letters.

Anything to keep from shoving another chunk of dead animal into her mouth, even if it's what her stomach desperately wants (while it's not trying to make her sick, anyway). A glove gets pulled off again before she takes his hand to write against it again.

D O N T E A T M E A T

She's extra careful this time, and when she finishes she doesn't let go of his hand again right away, instead waiting to see if he understood, or if he wants a better answer than that. She hopes he doesn't, because if he does she doesn't have one.

Don't eat meat? The letters spell that clearly, no mistake when she's that careful in shaping it. He swallows his mouthful, and thinks about the vegetable symbol she just pointed to before.

"Okay, why you would want veggies over meat I don't know, but I'm not the girl who looks like a bird here." He looks back to her, and this time his gaze holds a sympathetic light to it. "But as it stands, meat is all I've got. So long as it's not going to actively harm you, I'd still like it if you try to finish that. You need energy to keep going in this place, and you're not going to get that from soporifics and air. Alright?"

though the fear keeps me moving

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I'm too lazy to renew my paid, ignore how dramatic this icon is

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