i woke up and he was screaming; open-ish

[revocation]

Who| Cullen and cave-mates/others who might be loitering around the caves!
What| Cullen sucks at sleeping. He wanders around a lot instead.
Where| In and around the caves.
When| Early week 2, during and just after the snowfall.
Warnings/Notes| Descriptions of torture, both physical and mental, and some body horror imagery.

(A)

His quarters at Skyhold had been ideally suited for his situation. Not only did they have easy access to both the main keep and the training yard, with arrow slits overlooking the main gate, but the tower was far enough away from the other sleeping quarters for Cullen to have the privacy he so needed - not just for his own peace of mind, but to keep from disturbing anyone else, with his restless nights - and the nightmares.

There's no escaping the dreams, not since he stopped taking lyrium. He sleeps, and they come. Nearly every night, he's back in Kinloch Hold, in the cage they made for him, and the demons return - not true demons, he doesn't think, just shadows of the ones that Uldred summoned, the ones that tormented him for days. Causing him pain in order to make him beg for it to stop. Showing him images of things he wanted but couldn't have, trying to convince him it could all be his if he gave into them. Other images, more horrible, showing him what would happen to those he cared about if he didn't.

And more recently, the dreams are sometimes tinged with red - red lyrium, eating away at him, destroying him from the inside and making him a monster, while the demons watch, offer to take it all away if he'll have them...

If he cries out in his sleep, thrashes and moans, well, that's pretty normal, until he wakes himself, his skin clammy and damp with sweat as he gets up.

(B)

Instead of bothering with sleep, he often scouts near the caves - just to make sure there aren't any approaching threats, inadvertent or no. He collects fresh water from the river, and keeps his knife on him at all times as he trudges through the snow. The dark circles under his eyes indicate his sleepless state - it's not really any better with Adella here, as he now has her to worry about as well. And she without her magic, to boot.

If someone had told him even a few years ago that he would be outraged and upset about a mage being separated from their magic with no ill effects, he would've found it preposterous. And yet, here he is. Not just outraged, but worried, because said mage is his leader - and his lover. He's come a very long way in ten years. Now if only the blasted nightmares would stop.

Comments

b

[unlikelyherald]

Waking to find Cullen missing from the cave isn't something wholly unusual. Adella knows even at her urging he'll only get so much sleep. She ventures out in search of him after getting up. Now that she has a knife sent to her by one of the mentors of her district she's feeling a little less useless, keeping it strapped to a long branch in lieu of a proper mage staff.

It isn't perfect, but it's better than wandering out in potentially dangerous territory unarmed. So long as they don't attack her with arrows, she might actually have a fair chance. It does worry her, not being able to fight at range like she's most comfortable doing.

She's starting to regret not borrowing someone's parka when she sees Cullen by the river and she moves through the snow towards him, a slight smile on her face.

"Decided to go for a walk?"

[revocation]

He glances up at her at the sound of her voice. It's - good, to hear it again. He would never claim to have wanted her here in the first place - this isn't the sort of place one wishes loved ones end up in - but he has to admit to himself that her very presence here, despite the awkwardness it's engendered, has helped his own mental state immeasurably.

He doesn't have to wonder anymore if she's real. If all the things that happened between them were just figments of his fevered, lyrium-addled brain. Or worse.

"Ah, yes," he says, shooting her a slight frown at her underdressed state. It's bloody cold out here. "We'll need more water soon, I thought I'd help out with that."

[unlikelyherald]

She ignores the frown, her smile only widening as she closes the distance. She's nothing if not stubborn.

"We could always melt the snow closer to camp, you know," she points out, planting her staff in the snow and leaning on it as she draws to a stop. "It really is a lovely time for a walk. That's why I thought I'd come out here and join you." And not at all because she's worried.

[revocation]

Cullen shakes his head a little. "If this were a real forest, I'd agree with you. But it's not. It was designed - to kill. I've tested this water and know it's drinkable. I'm not ready to risk the snow."

He stands up to get a good look at her, concern creasing his brow. "I didn't wake you, did I?" Because he's pretty sure he's been making noise in his sleep.

[unlikelyherald]

"No, I can't even hear you from the respectable distance of across the cave," Not exactly true, but she'd actually woken up because she'd slept longer than she has been. She's always been a fairly light sleeper, so more often than not even someone simply snoring will wake her.

"I woke up and noticed you were gone, so I came out to make sure you were alright."

B as well because fight me (please don't, sob)

[dreadinquisitor]

Cullen wasn't the only one among them who had trouble with sleep, neither in finding it, nor in seeing a night of it through. Maxwell's mind refused to quiet, thoughts turning over and over, as he listened to the sounds of the arena, to the soft sounds of his fellows around him. And even when he could wrest it into silence, what waited for him beyond.... He preferred the arena itself, honestly.

He found some relief in taking watch duty. In at least being able to put his restlessness to some use.

Makeshift bow in hand, he patrolled near their camp, an arrow ready against the string as he trudged through the ever deepening snow - as quiet about it as man his size could.

[revocation]

A sudden sound startled him a little, and Cullen shot up, ready for a fight - until he recognized Maxwell. 'Maxwell' he had quickly become, because while he tried to think of him as 'Inquisitor', it just didn't seem to fit right on his tongue. And now, with Adella here, well. It was probably never to be.

"Quiet tonight?" he asked.

[dreadinquisitor]

"Nothing but the snow, as far as I've seen," Maxwell replied, pressing on through the hard crust until he could pause beside Cullen, happy to a moment to catch his breath. "Though with as deep as it's getting, whether that's of any comfort is debatable."

Reaching up, he brushed white from the top of his head, hair slicking down where melt had dampened it.

"Did I wake you?"

[revocation]

The question almost startled him - enough to get a faint sort of laugh out of him, anyway. "Ah, no, not at all," he said, clutching the parka around himself closer. "I can assure you, I was already awake when you left."

[dreadinquisitor]

He'd doubted it, but he was trying to be polite. As with Cassandra, as with Dorian, Maxwell was aware that the things he knew about Cullen -- would likely make the man uncomfortable. Especially now.

So he thought it might be better to frame his concern idly.

"It is my watch, isn't it?" he asked. "I'm sure I can manage for an hour or two, Cullen."

a because what a good

[tevintage]

He'd meant to apologize to Cullen, as well, but the man had already been asleep when he returned. So he'd sighed and settled in himself, but was having difficulty sleeping. Not for any nightmares, but more for endless possibilities. Trying to work out exactly what the universe would have to look like in order to have what was happening happen to them. But where usually he would be able to lose himself in books for a day or two while he processed, here there was nothing but the low crackling embers of the fire, and Cullen's slow breathing.

Or at least, it was slow breathing. The man suddenly starting to thrash, moaning. Not new, of course, the last few days he'd barely seen the man sleep, but when he did...

"Commander--" He started, only to notice the man was already waking up.

[revocation]

It took him a moment to regain his bearings - it always did, frankly. He had to breathe in, look around him, place himself in the present and drag his mind from the cage in which it was trapped during his nightmares.

Right. The cave. The arena. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced around, spotting Dorian nearby.

"Sorry if I bothered you," he muttered, preparing to stand and stretch.

[tevintage]

He was sitting up, back against the cave wall, some loose leaves in his hands, marked with charcoal. Trying to figure out how many days had passed and how many supplies they'd used, since he'd had nothing to do in the meantime, and sleep wouldn't come.

"You didn't," he assured him. He paused, as if about to ask, but it was hardly as if he'd never had nightmares himself, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to know. So instead, like always, instead of talking about feelings, let's talk about curtains.

"I've been trying to tally up our stores. They aren't as bad as you'd think they are. Apparently we have friends, back in the capitol."

[revocation]

He was glad of it. Cullen had no interest in talking about his nightmares - with anyone. He'd only ever told one person, and she was currently sleeping across the cave, soundly he hoped.

The only thing discussing his past with anyone else would do was dig up old and painful memories and cause pity where he wanted none.

"Good," he said. "I want to keep hunting as long as the weather holds and the game is around - there's no telling when either of those things could change, and it's cold enough to keep meat preserved for some time. Food that is unlikely to spoil, we can save longer."

[tevintage]

It wasn't pity, that Dorian felt. Sympathy, yes. But he didn't pity Cullen, and he never had.

"Mm, my thoughts exactly, though I do worry that something has been getting into the supplies that we've been leaving out to the cold." He gave a bemused look. "Whether or not that is an animal, or a midnight snack, I couldn't say. But it might be worth attempting to explore the caves deeper, rather than packing anything into the snow outside."

He would get around to the apologies soon. He would. He promised himself.

A: Hope you don't mind her

[justoutrunyou]

Sometimes Sandy can't sleep in the arena.

It's not surprising given how prone to nightmares many of the tributes can be. She's taken to drugging herself to sleep back in the Capitol so the transition to having to sleep on her own is not always easy. As such it's dark out and she's creeping around the caves trying to find shelter from the cold.

Phil's tent and extra body heat was appreciated in the first week but Sandy's always had a hard time sticking close to people for long in the arena without wandering off to find supplies. Pruna and Shepard were the only two people she could count on to stick around for long anyway and both of them had died in the first day.

And so we find the scruffy young girl skulking around the caves when she hears a moaning from inside one. Against her better judgement she slips inside to see if the sound is from someone who needs help.

Not that she's decided if she'll help or not. It could be just as likely it's someone dying who has supplies she can steal.

[revocation]

As he wakes, he has to reorient himself - it always takes him a while after one of the bad nightmares. If he were in Skyhold, with Adella in his arms, it would've been easier - but this place is still quite alien and hostile, not a place he's comfortable with, and so he's still tense as he glances around -

And spots a figure in the cave, too small to be one of his companions. How anyone or anything got past whoever is on watch, he can't imagine, but his knife is out in an instant.

"Lay a hand on anyone or anything, and you will die," he warns, his voice low, his breath still a little shallow. To be jostled from a nightmare into a situation with an intruder in their camp has left him tense and poised for violence.

[justoutrunyou]

Sandy froze and despite herself let out a groan. At least the theft part of her plan seemed to be shot.

"Please don't kill me." She implored trying to sound even younger then she actually was. "I just heard someone moaning from outside and I wanted to see if they needed help."

Which was not entirely untrue. After all hadn't she sacrificed some of her supplies to make sure that Samwise had been a little drunk to deal with his slow agonizing death? That was sort of like helping.

[revocation]

The voice is that of a child - but not one he recognizes. Not the girl, Arya, he met back in the city, anyway, but he knew there were children here, as repugnant as that is.

He keeps his knife in his hand, ready, but lowers it a little.

"No one here needs help, child. Do you have shelter?"

Because, blast it all, he's not going to shove a child back out into the snow to freeze. Even an unknown child.

[justoutrunyou]

She did technically but that wouldn't help her at the moment so she answered in a careful and quiet voice.

"Not really no. But I can find another cave if this one is yours...but if you let me stay I have some drink you could have?"

Bartering her ill gotten alcohol had worked before. Maybe it would work again.

"Someone sounded in pain." She added knowing that alcohol helped with that.

B

[gunshiptotheface]

Arena's were never exactly fun, but cold and snow were two of Garrus' least favourite climate settings. Being someone who couldn't shiver had a lot of downfalls, keeping warm was one of them. Finding the river had been useful, as cold as it was, it was better than trying to eat the snow.

He didn't expect to find anyone near the river at that time, but seeing Cullen there was a small surprise. He was fairly certain the man wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, so he offered a short wave in greeting, before he continued filling his makeshift canteen. He'd be on his way soon enough.

[revocation]

The sight of the strange figure moving nearby startles him a little at first - it's dark and difficult to tell and it's so clearly not human that Cullen expects an attack -

Right up until he realizes who it is. Ah, Commander Shepard's associate. Their last conversation had not ended on a positive note, largely due to his own defensiveness. The man was being patronizing, sure, but it probably didn't warrant such an extreme reaction.

At his acknowledgment, Cullen takes a step forward. "You've found shelter I take it?"

He's willing to be civil. They do need allies. If Garrus isn't interested, fine, but hopefully they can at least agree to not try and kill each other.

[gunshiptotheface]

"Actually, I haven't, I've been on the move since the cornucopia." He replied, capping his canteen and getting back to his feet. He didn't make a move to get much closer to Cullen, still unsure if the man would knife him if given half the chance. It paid to be wary, especially around people who seemed to have extreme reactions to things.

"Seems like a weird time of night for a walk, scouting or keeping on the move?" Either was a good idea if he had more of his friends resting nearby.

[revocation]

"Someone has to take night watch," Cullen points out. They can't just all go to sleep, with no one to keep an eye out for danger. It gives away that their camp is nearby, but one takes a few calculated risks. He's otherwise careful to obscure the tracks he leaves in the snow.

"It seems as though keeping on the move must be a very cold endeavor," he offers after a moment. "And it's only getting worse."

A night out in the open - even with a fire - could easily lead to frostbite, at the very least, with temperatures this frigid.

[gunshiptotheface]

"It's a better alternative than trying to sleep without a fire in my case," he replied. "I wasn't granted the ability to shiver like you humans can. I stop moving, I die in the cold." Since lighting a fire was just like asking for someone to come and murder him while he slept. He wasn't sure why Cullen was bringing it up, but he'll take a few cautious steps toward him in the gloom of the night.

"You think it's going to get colder?"