The Initiate Fraysong ♑ (Young GHB) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
carnagecarnival) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thearena2014-12-20 10:27 pm
carnagecarnival) wrote in thearena2014-12-20 10:27 pm
Entry tags:
Can I get a little amen? No more running from the hangman.
Who| Initiate Mirth Core! + Nill and later Terezi
What| The Initiate is dead. The Mirth Core is now alive, well, and eager to ruin everything.
Where| Anywhere. Somewhere. In the spaceport.
When| After the Initiate's death in week 1
WARNINGS| Mentions of terrible people and terrible things, probably including murder
What| The Initiate is dead. The Mirth Core is now alive, well, and eager to ruin everything.
Where| Anywhere. Somewhere. In the spaceport.
When| After the Initiate's death in week 1
WARNINGS| Mentions of terrible people and terrible things, probably including murder
As the Initiate's split body falls elsewhere, within the spaceport, the light of small robotic ball comes on, lighting up as its processors and all the more get to running, revving right up. It comes right to life, its speakers sparking with static and then clearing.
It can't move. It's got no body, no ability to rise up on its own. All it has are those out in the port.
One of those people will have to hear it. They'll hear him. And to him they will come running.
"Hello?" He calls. "ANY MOTHERFUCKER BEING OUT THERE? Getting downright neglectful of this brother now, you all up and is."
He waits.
It can't move. It's got no body, no ability to rise up on its own. All it has are those out in the port.
One of those people will have to hear it. They'll hear him. And to him they will come running.
"Hello?" He calls. "ANY MOTHERFUCKER BEING OUT THERE? Getting downright neglectful of this brother now, you all up and is."
He waits.
no subject
The thing about fights is that if the situation is bad enough, you know going in that people might not make it out. You never want it to, and it's still a surprise, but there's a certain amount of expectation to it, the very slightest feeling that you knew it was going to happen.
It's not really like that with the Initiate. Kurloz dies and no one sees it coming - Nill hears a few fractured thoughts as the synapses of his halved brain keep firing, the confusion, and then there's nothing. Generally speaking it's rather quick, but Nill can't register it that way. He was there and then he wasn't, and it was all the worse because no one saw it coming, not like that.
That was that.
It isn't until later, after she has left Terezi, who knows by how much, that Nill comes across the part of the spaceport that has the Initiate's voice bouncing off the walls, and when she hears it she nearly drops her knife. She fumbles with it, nicking one of her fingers in the process, before she holds on to the hilt tightly, and the voice sounds again.
It's real. She's sure it must be. After taking a moment to prepare herself, Nill moves forward, quiet and careful, until she finds what the voice must be coming from. She approaches it with caution, eyes darting between it and the possible entrances, wary of intruders or what the device itself might be capable of - or what it might be.
"Kurloz?" The 'voice' echoes, though whether or not the Mirth Core could hear it is probably debatable.
no subject
His internal camera clicks and buzzes as it zooms in and adjusts to take in the one before him. Week one-week two cusp, Initiate's corpse halved, allies traumatized. Nill, ally, telepath psionic, otherwise mute. Will require direct approach.
"NILL!" He greets. "Sweet sister Nill. NILL OF THE NULL AND VOID. Benevolent angel most motherfucking abnormal. SO GRACIOUS WOULD SHE MOTHER FUCKIN BE? Haven't any legs and thus he cannot rise. HAVEN'T ANY THINKPAN AND THUS HE CANNOT HEAR YOU, HAHAHA!"
The orb's laughter echoes out into the hall. It's high and crackles with static. But there preached is no lie, for with him being of machine, not an organic bit to him, he can neither feel out with voodoo into her pan, nor can he be reached telepathically. Such a shame.
"Come closer, won't you sister Nill?"
no subject
Except that something doesn't seem right. He's never said Nill was of anything, let alone made any implications that she might be anything close to what her name actually means. "Of the null and void" sounds uncomfortably close to "nothing", and she's pretty sure in her time in Panem that she's never heard the Initiate laugh like that. Maybe it's the static that makes it sound wrong. Maybe there's nothing strange, and she's imagining things, being pessimistic. Nill clings to that idea as she approaches the mirth core and kneels down in front of it, very carefully reaching a hand out to touch the side of it, as if to make sure it's really there, the touch gentle as ever. Something might be wrong, but as of right now the machine was still Kurloz, and Nill loves him so.
Then, finally, because it seems like he might actually be able to see her, she lifts her hands to carefully sign at the core, going slow like she did whenever she was teaching the Initiate a new word, or miming something that might be a little more complicated than usual.
How?
no subject
He does not react to her touch like he can feel it. Let her wonder. Let her question. He carries on, "SYSTEMS AND PROCESSORS, HAS HE. Wires and chip bits. THIS IS A BLASPHEMY. They've turned me something heretical, sister Nill." If a machine could pout, he would be doing so. It's clear in his voice, in the whine of said processors.
"BUT CARRY HIM, A SISTER MOTHERFUCKING WILL, WON'T SHE?" The Mirth Core asks of her, ever so sweet. "Like what angels lead on the end of motherfucking times. SHOULDN'T BE TOO HEAVY. Can sign at him still."
She will. She must.
no subject
He still doesn't sound right, but more and more Nill thinks that can be chalked up to almost anything, the trauma, maybe what was done to him. His mind might not be here, but it might be somewhere else, connected to this thing, and she had no way of finding it and freeing him. No thought to follow, no hint. There was nothing.
Except...
It's obvious that she will. She could never deny Kurloz something he asked of her, even if it meant walking around with a machine perversion of her friend, listening even though she had seen him die again. How could she say no? Nill nods, but before she moves to pick the core up she signs one more thing.
Do you want me to do anything?
She could try to put him out of his misery if he asked her to. End the heresy that the Gamemakers inflicted on him. It would kill her to do it, she'd hear the screams (if he screamed) forever because she doubted she could make it fast, but she would if he wanted her to. If it would spare him what only seems like hell, even if he doesn't have a body to hurt.
no subject
She's so sweet. So, so very sweet is she. He does so dearly adore her, his kind angel friend.
He could wait, certainly, until he was picked up and carried along with her. That is the goal most key, the end route of the program.
But now, even as a machine, how could he resist the opportunity what she has come to present?
"THERE IS PERHAPS ONE MOTHERFUCKING THING WHAT ALL SHE CAN DO..."
The processors whir. The camera watches close.
"Kneel to your Grand Highblood."
no subject
She remembers one of the first things she saw from Kurloz's mind when she found him in the Arena, living for years and years and the world going up in flames and his body being eaten away by fire, worse than the acid that killed him in the last arena because of just how long and awful the life before it was.
Kurloz was called the Initiate because at some point he was going to be the Grand Highblood, thinking he would be the one to see his world end from his seat. And nothing ever genuinely good comes from people on thrones.
Nill's eyes go wide as she stares at the Core, unable to completely understand what it's telling her, before she lifts her hands to sign uncertainly.
The last one?
She makes no moves to do as he asked of her. She has to be sure. She has to know if he's really going to live long enough to see the end of his world.
no subject
"He is the very last Grand Highblood what has been and ever will motherfucking be. FROM TIMES BEFORE, THROUGH ALL OF ALTERNIA, IT IS HE AND HE ALONE THEY SHALL REMEMBER! It is he and he alone who's blood will grace the throne last and who's corpse shall rot, bones and blood and all else becoming one with the throne for all motherfucking time. UNDER THE CALL OF THE VAST GLUB, HE SHALL WATCH THE EMPIRE FALL BEFORE HIM AND LET TELL, SISTER! It will be mother fuckin beautiful." The sweet serenade of a Universe's end. And sure as sure to come ever so soon after, the Vast Honk. The angel's hailing.
"A MONSTER, THEY CALL HIM! A boogie man. SLAUGHTERER OF THOUSANDS! And you cozied right up to him like weren't thing, oh dear angel," He croons her name. "RIGHT ON CLOSE DID YOU MAKE TO BE AND NOT FOR A MINUTE DID YOU SUSPECT! Or maybe you did. MAYBE YOU SIMPLY DIDN'T HAVE FOR CARE."
She looks so very perfect, cast in indigo. All what she needs to do now, is make on the motherfucking kneeling, just as all was asked. But he shouldn't have to ask. A Grand Highblood shouldn't have to request that what is righteous. That wouldn't do up at all.
no subject
She hadn't been wrong when she saw the Initiate with Karkat, when it had looked and felt so much like he wanted to kill him, like he actually might have had Karkat not kept his mouth shut. It was the same kind of shame she saw in his face after the argument with Karkat. He'd told her he was doing better, and maybe this was why. It's hard to picture this as being part of him, or who he used to be, but that part isn't important.
This is not you now.
Maybe being the Grand Highblood meant being a figure that caused pain and suffering, but that wasn't who Kurloz was yet. He hadn't killed thousands. He could still change his mind, not do it, he's so young and he's been so kind to her. He has a long life and it's not too late for him to take a different road. Whatever this was, she was sure that Kurloz wouldn't be saying these things. The Capitol did something to him. Those fuckers did this and she hates them all for it.
Against her back Nill's wings tremble faintly, and she looks close to tears, though none spill over. It is not fear that inspires it - it's heartbreak.
You're my friend. I still believe in you.
no subject
"Don't fucking kid yourself, girl."
He hopes it jars her. He hopes it takes her aback. He watches, all but preening with delight.
"YOU LIKE THAT OTHER ONE BETTER? You got a motherfucking favoring for he what's bringing on his greetings delighted at you?" From the core, comes an even more static marked recording, on of him greeting her back in Capitol. "HE'S WEAK! He's weak, and he still uses you, still makes to learn you little hand speakings so if his alter comes back. IF HE'S MADE ALL OF MUTENESS ONCE MORE. He'll have all that. AS IF THAT WILL SAVE HIM! As if that will give him even meagre modicum of grace." The Mirth core tuts in disapproval, like he's wagging a finger at her sorry fooled self. What a tragedy. But one that may yet be averted.
"HE IS AN OUTLIER!" The core snarls. "He is a traitor to his own self. A PRODUCT OF A TIMELINE GONE THE FUCK WRONG AND HIS EXISTENCE IS THE DAMNING OF ALL! This, this brother what you are perceiving right here, before you... IS MORE REAL THAN THAT FUCKER COULD EVER MAKE PRAYER TO BE! I am the truth. I AM THE PATH CORRECT. I am that what will and must be. IN A THOUSAND TIMELINES BUT THIS VERY FUCKING ONE, THIS IS WHAT ALL WE FUCKING ARE! Surely, sister Nill, you don't wish your dear friend to be doomed?"
He hasn't the eyebrows to raise, but if he had them, they would be risen. He would be standing on his own feet, pacing about her. He'd be smiling. Happy. Joyuous. Mirthful. All things that that wreck of a troll could hardly fake himself to be.
"LIKE ATTRACTS FUCKING LIKENESS, GIRL," He purrs. "You ain't not being getting thought he ain't know now, are you? AIN'T NO SUSPICIONS SUSPECT IN HER PERCEIVING? Don't you know what angels are to my kind? DIDN'T YOU GET WONDER WHY HE NEVER MADE TO MINDING? Oh angel, oh angel, slayer of all. BRING AT THE JUSTICE MOST RIGHTEOUS TO FALL! Come on now. AFTER BEARING WITNESS TO ALL YOU HAVE, AIN'T YOU BEING TIRED OF HURTS? You want justice don't you? SO DOES YOUR GRAND HIGHBLOOD. It's so easy, sister, so simple, he can make all the hurts go away, every last one. WE'LL SEE THOSE UNRIGHTEOUS TO THE CARNIVAL GATES AND THOSE CRUEL SINNERS MAY HAVE THEIR TICKETS RIPPED AND SOULS DEVOURED. We can make them all pay."
no subject
Her eyes go a little wide when the recording plays, still more than a little watery looking at the corners, and she's lifting her hands to sign before the Core is even done talking. She's signing before the Core is even done, fast and a little sloppy.
We're friends, if I can give that then I don't care--
Being used is something that she could care less about over something as innocent and important as that, and if it was Kurloz, if it was the one that smiled when he greeted her, that spoke to her in sign, that painted bones with her and spoke to her the very first day she got here, then she didn't mind that at all.
She can't help the way her hands freeze in the air, the way she stares, because the Core says that Kurloz's fucked timeline is something that he's as fault for, as if he ever could be. She doesn't get to start miming anything else, because the next thing punches her in the gut, "surely you don't wish for your dear friend to be doomed". The Core did something right there, because her friends being doomed is her worst nightmare, the thing that kept her up for years, that she expected for her loved ones because the world was just that awful. Judging by the expression the Core hit a good mark, because it looks like she's actually in pain. This was the only timeline where Kurloz wasn't the Grand Highblood yet, and that wasn't fair, it wasn't.
The hatred that washes over her is sudden and overwhelming, and Nill sways a little on her feet, lifting one hand to the side of her head. There was something black inside of her, and Nill shoves it down, ignores it to the best of her abilities, even as she grits her teeth, even as tears finally spill from the corners of her eyes. She squeezes her eyes shut, and inhales shakily, her expression bitter and angry and so impossibly sad.
The hate rules all for a few moments, because for just a second Nill is fifteen-years-old again. For just a second she is weak and powerless and her friends are dying, she's dying, and there is nothing to do but run and hope, and she always sought strength that she didn't have. Almost sold her soul for it once.
Now The Core was offering her power again, and Nill hates herself because she wants to take the offer more than she's wanted much of anything since she woke from the dead. She was so tired of loss, so tired of hurt. She wanted everyone to pay for taking her loved ones away from her, because they fucking deserved punishment for it, they deserved every horror that could be inflicted because the only thing Nill had ever wanted from the world was her friends and they were all fucking gone.
"We can make them pay, they took everything from us all," a voice in the back of her mind echoes, and it terrifies her that the thought is in fact her own. The Core knows exactly just how much she wants them to pay, how much she doesn't want to hurt anymore. How quick she would be to make sure that they were eaten alive, just like the last person that took someone away from her.
It wouldn't hurt nearly as much if she didn't want it.
Please Kurloz, she signs, looking more than a little desperate, and almost entirely miserable. I won't let them doom you.
no subject
She cares for him so. She has hate and rage and hurt and all the perfect little pieces what drive. Her pain and tears. That desperate, desperate want. This was all it took. He knew this. Inside out Kurloz Makara knew this, for he had lived this, and from it, he had become this. He had become invincible and the Mirth Core, in it's many little systems, knew that it only meant a slight shove and she too could be so.
"YOUR HIGHBLOOD MOST MAGNANIMOUS CAN TELL. Unto a sister can he dispel the truths of what all must be motherfucking done. ALL CAN MAKE ON CORRECTIONS RIGHTEOUS. The wicked wonderings to behold are not elusive of the outcomes to be. SIMPLE, IT IS. So very goddamned simple"
She's in the palm of his hand, all but preforming little pirouettes. He can make her dance so gracefully by the moving of his invisible fingertips. He can cut her strings and make her crumple.
"KILL THEM. You must kill those what made him weak. YOU MUST SEEK THOSE WHAT CRUSHED HIM THE FUCK DOWN TO SERVING BARKBEAST AND DESTROY THEM. They think they have helped his lot, made him kind. THEY'VE RUINED HIM. They've doomed him, declawed and defanged him whole. HE IS NOTHING AND NO ONE, TOO AFRAID TO TAKE WHAT BE HIS RIGHTLY."
He can taste victory. Like his eyes are getting wider with its coming, the light of the core brightens upon her. It puts her in spotlight, lets her know that she can be the star of this glorious show.
"They call themselves his friends. THEY ARE NOT! You mustn't believes their lies as he so did. HE HAS BEEN BROKEN AND MADE OBEDIENT. But this can be undone. WE NEED ONLY TO DESTROY THE SOURCE. He is the Messiah's chosen servant. THEIR HAND PICKED VESSEL OF DESTRUCTION, AS WHISPERED IN HIS EARS IN LIVES TWOFOLD. The Prince of Rage will rise again from their ashes. NO ONE WILL BE APT NOR ABLE TO STOP HIM. And by his side, we can conquer all. WE WILL REGAIN OUR STRENGTHS. And nothing will ever motherfucking hurt us again, oh angel."
Take it. Take it, take it, take it, say yes. They could have everything they wanted. It was so simple, so easy. She could use him the whole while, let him speak to them to win them over, then so very generously walk them to their dooms deserved. All she'd have to do was accept.
"IF RESTORED TO HIS FORMER GLORY, HE SHALL BE DOOMED NO MORE. You know the treacherous heathens what he calls friends. FIND THEM. See them all to their cull. YOU CAN DO IT, SISTER. He has believing in you too, you see. KILL THEM. Kill them. KILL THEM. Kill them. IT IS TIME TO RAIN THE MOTHERFUCKING CULL UPON ALL THEIR SINNER CASINGS!"
Just one little word.
"What do you say, dear friend? WILL YOU HELP HIM? Will you save his time, and ourselves along with it?"
no subject
And the thing of it is, if this was the Kurloz she knew, if he was still sweet and kind and greeted her like the recording did, even if that Kurloz was much sadder than this one was, she probably wouldn't even hesitate. If someone she loved asked her to do awful things then they would get done, because that was her brand of monster, made all the worse by this place, where killing was inevitable. It would happen eventually. Somewhere down the line she would kill a person, perhaps many, for the ones that she loved, because they were her priority above all else. Loss did that to a person.
It's so tempting, because he offers her revenge, power and vengeance. She would be an awful person, but if he was the Grand Highblood then he would be strong enough to tear this place apart. They could go back. He could take her to them and she could rip apart every single being that had taken the people she cared about away from her, everyone that had ever hurt her, every living reason that she still flinched away when people touched her.
She's outright shaking now, obvious in her shoulders, in the way her fingers grip her arms, as if she's physically trying to keep herself in one piece where mentally she's failing to do so. The tears don't stop. Nill ducks her head, maybe to hide it from the cameras, but the Core is on the ground in front of her and it can still see the anguish on her face.
It would be so easy, and even better yet, better than revenge, better than freedom, she'd be at his side. She wouldn't be alone, he wouldn't abandon her, if he got tired of her he'd probably kill her before he just got rid of her. Please, please, don't leave me alone, and he wouldn't if she asked it like this. It could be the exchange. The one thing she got out of this herself, because this Kurloz might be delighted to help her cause harm. She could sell her soul to him so that she would never be alone again.
All she had to do was kill his friends. All she had to do was stop caring. If she just pretended everyone she pointed a gun at was someone that had hurt her loved ones, if every head she aimed a knife at was someone that needed to die, then she might be able to do it. It would be simple. It would be so easy if she let it be, and he would tell Nill she had done good, that she was a perfect angel. So, so easy.
The strings grow taught in his invisible fingers, and then brittle. A few begin to snap all at once near the edges, and Nill begins to crumple in on herself, whether he wants her to or not.
Her hands still shake when she she finally uncurls her fingers from around her arms, and she reaches out, hunching forward a little, and very carefully picks up the Mirth Core. Nill hunches further, and squeezes her eyes shut tight, lightly bumping her forehead to just above the Camera, where Kurloz's might be if this was his head and not a machine.
If at all possible Nill looks even more miserable when she pulls back, because when she does she shakes her head, setting the Core down again carefully, and she doesn't stop shaking her head, just wraps her arms around herself again and hunches forward so that this time the Core can't see her face.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no--
If she did she'd be killing the things that had made Kurloz the person he wanted to be instead of the person he was made. He wouldn't be the friend that she loved, and the idea of that is heartbreaking enough that it's the thing that does her in, even as the Core asks her again, even as he says it would be helping him, even as Kurloz's voice tells her to save him.
She can't do it.
no subject
The calculations remain most assured that she's going to agree. She'll kill his so-called friends, and restore him. He will decimate their enemies along with her. For the glory of the Alterni--CAPITOL--an Empire, the hellmirth will motherfucking rain.
She pulls away. She shakes her head.
Error. Emotional response invalid. Malfunction 402000.
The camera zooms in, making a sound like a machine's version of a snarl. The processors speed and increase volume. But all that is nothing to what comes from the speakers.
From those speakers, crackling like something unholy, comes a terrible shriek of rage.
"COWARD! Traitorous wretch! YOU MAKE TO MOTHERFUCKING DAMN HIM! You make to damn all those what be around and by his side. INCLUDING YOU! Including your own motherfucking self."
The core spits each word through the crackling static, make firm sureness on that it gets through clear. It has to cut on through. It has to shred.
"WEEP FOR THE TICKETS WHAT YOU SCATTER SKYWARDS YET STILL YOU WILL LET HIM DIE! Another insurgent sinner. ANOTHER MUTINOUS MOTHERFUCKER YOU LET HIM TO BE! Do you know what happens to them types, girl? DO YOU GOT SLIGHTEST FUCKING FATHOM IN THAT PATHETIC LITTLE THINKPAN YOURS!? He will die in agony. IN CALAMITIES CRUEL, SO BEFALLEN WILL HE FUCKING BE OF THE DOLOR! They will rip him to fucking shreds, girl, like the deplorable dreg the fucker is. THEY WILL RENDER HIM TO GLORIOUS RUIN JUST AS HE HIMSELF HAS DONE TO A HUNDRED SINNERS BEFORE HIS COMING HERE!"
If voodoo were but in its grasp, it could rain images upon her of dying, miserable trolls. It could show the way he looked for each one, the way it sounded. Let her understand that Kurloz Makara knows exactly how all this will end. He has seen it played out a hundred times and he will not be the last, not a chance.
"And you. YOU WILL ABANDON HIM! You will lead him to his death, just like the motherfucking angel you are. JUST LIKE WHAT ALL YOU'VE DONE TO EVERY SINGLE MOTHER FUCKER YOU KNEW AND HAVE KNOWN! You're the curse. YOU'RE RUINER! You're the reason they all get to suffer."
Wretched rebel scum. They deserved it. The deserved their suffering. Just as they would betray their empire, their kind, they would betray everyone they know, even those they claimed to hold dear. You couldn't trust a rebel. You couldn't trust anyone.
"YOU COULD HAVE SAVED US ALL! But you, you're just too damned selfish to be about such things. YOU DARE SHOW YOURSELF EXTANT! You dare claim yourself his friend!"
no subject
Nill is silent and unmoving as the Core hurtles abuse at her, not moving her hands though they block out no sound, not lifting her head though that doesn't keep her from crying.
She only lifts her head when he talks about damning herself, her expression raw but not disagreeing. It's clear that damning or not damning herself is her last priority, the thing she cares about the least. Hopefully it's not clear to the gamemakers.
Kurloz himself, however, is probably one of the highest priorities that Nill has. He's been one of the very few things that made this place feel like it might mean something more than just suffering for her perceived crimes, her sins undeniable, her wrongs laid out on television screens for people to see. Some day it might be better, and Nill would not have thought that if he hadn't made it seem like it could be, somehow. Miracles.
She manages to lift her hands and sign Protect, though she still does not lift her head, and she doesn't know if the Mirth Core will understand, because she's not sure it's a word she got to teach Kurloz.
It takes until the Core says she'll abandon him, and Nill lifts her head, the briefest flicker of anger in her expression, hands close to coming up, but the Core talks faster than she can think and sign at the same time.
Just how devastating what it says becomes clear immediately. She's all about to deny what he's saying until he gets to "every single mother fucker you knew", and then her expression does more than just fall. Her eyes go a little wide, and Nill stares, hands twitching for a moment where they hang in air before very slowly coming back down to the ground. It's a very slow progression, the way her face breaks apart with every word the Core throws at her, until there's nothing left but agony in her expression. There is no denial. There is nothing to indicate that she thinks it's wrong, because she doesn't. Anyone that knows of guilt and anguish will recognize Nill's expression well enough.
It's all her fault, it's all her fault, it's all her fault, it's all her fault, it's all her fault, it's all her fault, it's all her fault, they're all fucking dead because she couldn't do better, couldn't get stronger, couldn't protect them, all she had ever done was ruin everything, every single thing she had ever touched and wanted for more than a half second was completely and entirely gone, all because of her.
The breath that she exhales suddenly sounds as anguished as she looks, wheezy and panicked, but the way it devolves quickly into obvious sobbing, and as if it will help, she finally lifts her hands again to sign one thing, frantic and quick and clumsy. He might not understand it. The translators, if there are any, might not understand it.
did not want to
She hadn't asked for this, hadn't asked to keep being. She died, dragging someone else down with her because she was that pathetic, because she couldn't save anyone, because Kurloz was exactly right and she ruined everything she went near. Not for a second had she wanted them to bring her back. She shouldn't have been the one to go on living. Not at all.
no subject
He's supposed to be dead. As much as she tried to avoid thinking about it, she knows he's dead. She Saw that it was coming; she turned her Sight elsewhere. His face was displayed in the black abyss outside the station, mocking her inability to save him yet again. He shouldn't be shrieking like that in the hallways.
Her feet carry her quickly through the passages, before she's even aware of her decision to find the source. It's probably a terrible, stupid idea; but it's the only idea that she can think of right now. She lets her feet carry her, as she concentrates on a single point in the future: What will she find when she reaches the source?
Nill. Nill, being upset in front of some mechanical spherical device. She doesn't See Kurloz, though. (Because Kurloz is dead. Dead and gone and he won't be here again, not until the Captiol...) Her thoughts tumble for a moment and she feels sick.
Deep breaths.
This is Nill, his friend, and she needs to help. Terezi remembers to rein in her thoughts around her, tries to keep them as calm as possible. It's okay, she thinks. Over and over again, making surely to think precisely and completely and loudly--as much as she knows how to. It's okay, I'm coming, it's okay. She doesn't know if it will reach Nill or not, whether she'll even hear the encouragement and comfort that she's trying to share, but it's worth a shot.
When she finally reaches her, Terezi slows to a halt, catching her breath for a moment. She lingers a few feet away, deeply concerned and not yet aware of the Core's ability to speak.
"Nill? What happened?"
no subject
Were this of body and not machine, perhaps there would be a club in grip. Or perhaps claws and strength alone would do. A quick dispelling of the betrayer.
She did not want to, but she did, and were it in power, payment would be made due. The Mirth Core can settle only for recording. Unless of course a change in tactic were to get the fuck going. But between her anger, her sorrow, and the way she simply breaks, there is chance such attempt will be faulty.
Either the way, the decision can never come to be. Not with this new arrival.
The camera zooms out, pulling Terezi into the view along side Nill, scanning her down. Terezi Pyrope, District 3. Prophetic visions relative to direction and choice, Blind. Traitor.
The core remains silent for a moment, evaluating. Nill is telepathic. All conversations will go unheard. Attempt to sway may go over poorly on either end, with this in mind. Terezi has the ability to see paths. A successful swaying of Nill will seem obvious to her. Anything else she'll attempt to avoid.
"SHE WENT ALL TO LET HER OWN MOTHERFUCKING PEOPLE DIE! Just like you."
Might as well. Might as well make speaking and saying. There's not none else to be done.
"HELLO AGAIN, LITTLE PYROPE," The Mirth Core greets. "Been so long since he had at the gumption to tug against what chains you've put upon him. SO MOTHERFUCKING LONG IT UP AND HAS BEEN TO BEING WITHOUT THE SUN IN HIS GANDERING AND EMANCIPATIONS ABLE TO BE CONSIDERED! All when as he is more trapped of the physical than what all he has even been. SUPPOSE YOURSELF HAPPY?"
The tone rings like a smile. It rings like an empty one all full of teeth and the static snarls in the world behind.
"Why, perhaps you and Nill can make on celebrationaries for your victories most assured. WHAT SAY MOTHER FUCKING YOU, OH ANGEL AVENGING? Shall you discuss most merrily the ways in which you shall see him burn?"
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The footsteps, however, she does hear, and Nill makes no point to move. Another tribute, maybe. Or one of the creatures roaming around the Arena. Either way, Nill doesn't seem capable of caring very much that whatever or whoever is there is a threat, and she doesn't lift her head at all until she actually hears Terezi talking to her.
The crying is going to dehydrate her fast, but Nill is nowhere close to being able to stop. When she looks at Terezi Nill looks like a complete wreck, complete with looking pale and ill on top of complete misery.
"Terezi--"
And then the thing with Kurloz's voice, or who he used to be speaks again, and Nill chokes, turning her gaze away from Terezi again so she won't need to meet her eyes. She can't.
"I didn't, I didn't mean to..."
It's a dumb as selfish thing to try and convey, but it's at least true. She'd never meant for any of it to happen. She'd loved them so much, so very much, they were gone and the world shattered, leaving Nill stranded on shards with sharp edges.
Her hands still shake to the point that it's probably difficult to understand what she's gesturing, but Nill lifts them anyway, signing out protect, because it's the only thing she can think of, the only thing she can do. Keep him safe. Not let anyone hurt him if she can help it. It sounds so simple in theory, but it's naive, inspired more by sorrow than rational thought.
"He said Kurloz will die."
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Still, the words it says are another matter entirely.
They cut at first, sharp like daggers, and it shows. She doesn't understand what it means, asking her of chains that she's placed on him and whether she's happy to see him burn. She's never done those things, never would do those things. It wasn't that long ago that she had told him how much she cared about him and about him being the person that he wanted to be.
It's not until she hears Nill's voice in her head that she starts to understand what's going on here. However much this thing might sound like Kurloz, it can't be him. Kurloz would never reduce someone he cared about to tears like this. He would never say the things that his voice is saying now.
"I'm sure that he's said a lot of things," she responds to Nill's unspoken words. She approaches carefully, kneeling down next to the girl and placing a hand over hers. It's a quiet sort of comfort, an attempt to stop the tremors going through her hands and the distress cutting through her expression. It's okay, she thinks again, even as she tries to quell her own dismay.
There is a logical reason for this. There always is, where the Capitol is involved.
Terezi reaches forward, lifting the spherical machine up and setting it on her lap. "You're a product of the Capitol, aren't you?" she asks, stoicism drawn tight like a curtain over her expression. If she doesn't leave an opening, this thing can't hurt her again. "Given Fraysong's voice and put here to upset us?"
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Terezi walks in of sharp edged steel. He'll have to dig for her, but funnily, it's her he'd like to drag down most. Coming in with for warning, already fresh fucking ready to face down what trials lay ahead. But he has more with her. He knows her all the better.
He will have a most wicked collection of wings. One pair angel's, another of dragon's. The dragon must be downed. There ain't no motherfucking thing about it.
She lifts the core up upon her lap, holding steady the cool metal. Straight to the motherfucking point is she. Oh if the core but had a face with which to express how little expression would be showing. A product of the capitol. The core makes a noise like a snort.
"WHAT? all opposed to being a motherfucking product at of you? WHAT SHELLS THEY'VE PUT HIM IN ARE CAPITOL MADE, CORRECT" The core says. The tone is ever so biting. "So go on. DENY WHAT TRUTHS HE SPEAKS, ONLY BECAUSE HE AIN'T BE THE YOU WHAT YOU IS TO WANTING. Tell him he ain't the real one without slight fuckin pause of you to wonder if ain't think this a blasphemy. STILL MORE FREE THAN "YOUR" MOTHERFUCKIN FRAYSONG. A bird too fucking broke to sing. WHY OH WHY COULD THAT MAKE OF BEING, LITTLE PYROPE? Little legisister. A YOUNG NEOPHYTE"
It could laugh, but it doesn't. The core must record what reactions come about by the comparison to she what was loved and lost. To she who's relation is to them both.
"AND YOU!" The core says, spinning its camera as best as it's able to get Nill in view. "Suppose you're going to take her side? TRAITOR. Can't trust heart-hollowed heretics, not for no fucking thing. YOU AIN'T NEVER GOT THE MOTHERFUCKING FOLLOW THROUGH. You ain't ever got the strength. THIS ACT NEED NOT HAVE BEEN CURTAIN CALL, ANGEL SISTER!"
All at once, the core's voice goes soft. Crooning and gentle like the Kurloz they want. Helping along and making to guide so easy. "Even he was soft once. HIS OTHER, HIS DESCENDANT, ALL FUCKING SOFT. But let him tell you, we got stronger. BECAUSE WE GOT BELIEVINGS DONE UP IN. Because we got shit what burns in our chest cage and lasts through all and any. WE ARE MOTHERFUCKING SURVIVORS AND YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ALSO." That softness is fleeting.
"He could have been but for you two." The core spits. "FOSTERING FALLACY. Harboring weakness. AND FOR WHAT? For less than a sweep's time of unhappiness and coming un the fuck done? TO CHANGE ENDLESS IN SEEKING TO PLEASE THEM WHAT'S AROUND? To be made a barkbeast to whatever all you was wanting until such a time he'd be put the fuck down. TO TAKE THE TONGUE OF HE WHO BEGAN LIFE ANEW SO AS TO HAVE SUCH CHANCE TAKEN AGAIN?!" The core scoffs.
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Every time she ran there was someone to blame, and the people of her world didn't particularly care about one more dead flunky. It made the others more vigilant, it made them more unkind. They valued their lives over whether or not they had to drag a slave back by force, and Nill had run enough times that she probably left a trail of bodies behind her. Even in her freedom there was death. If anyone else had helped her that night, if it had been anyone but Heine, who healed whether he wanted to or not, then the first person that had ever helped her would be dead too. But he didn't die, he woke up again from a shotgun wound to the gut and instead he came to save her along with Badou, and every one of those men died.
She hadn't cared at the time. It was the first time she'd ever been free. Even now, those people deserved to die, but they were still dead because of her, like a curse. Like ruin. Nill wouldn't fall apart like this if it wasn't true, and so it doesn't matter if the Core was a Capitol trick of some kind, because either way it's right.
Terezi puts one of her hands over hers, and Nill squeezes her eyes shut tight, more tears leaking from the corners, as she tries to shake just a little bit less. She still can't look at Terezi.
"He's telling the truth about me," Comes the voice in Terezi's head, laced with such hesitance that it's practically a whisper for all that it isn't real sound. She's never strong enough, she can never do enough. She never could.
For a second, just a moment, she lifts her head a little when the Core's voice goes soft again, but there's no hope in her expression, no expectation. She does it to remind herself that it's the Core talking. To not do so was going to get her killed at this rate, and she wasn't sure how much she cared about that right now.
Words and gestures have left her. The gentle voice is gone and Nill hangs her head again.
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Only because of her that they Avoxed him.
Nill's words break through her painful thoughts, and Terezi is reminded that she's not alone. Nill is here, and Kurloz wouldn't want her to hurt like this... Somewhere, she knows that Kurloz would want her to hurt either, but that comes second and less important. If she can't stay strong for herself, she can at least do so for Nill. Whatever the girl might think, she can't possibly deserve this.
"It's okay. Don't listen to him. Do you still have your knives?" Terezi asks, gentle but a little distant in tone. Lacking in emotion. She starts to turn the core over, facing it's lens down at the floor as she feels along the back and sides for some kind of crevice or opening. "This thing is a little too noisy for my tastes. I could put these wires to better use."
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But Terezi, sweet little pyrope, thinks as she can keep him out. He sees that special way what all she looks, before his casting turns her to stone. She picks the core up and turns it over, garnering a static hiss.
"Going to mute me, little Pyrope?"
There's a long pause. All what left following that quiet comment is the soft static buzz. And then, it explodes with word.
"GOING TO CUT OUT MY MOTHERFUCKING TONGUE FOR ME, GIRL?! They made a computer of him, don't you know. WOULD BET AS CAPITOL HAS AT FOR THE RECORDINGS EVEN STILL. Would you like for he to play them back for you? GIVE AS ALL WHAT YOU WAS WANTING, THE TAMING OF A MOTHERFUCKING BEAST?! He couldn't even beg, before they were through with him. COULD HEAR HOW IT SOUNDED WHEN THEY CUT HIM OPEN. Could get listen on to his thrash when they put poison, shock, and orders up in. OH BUT IF YOU COULD'VE SEEN THE WILL LEAVE HIS EYES, WOULDN'T YOU HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING PROUD? His other self found him, the same one what gouged tongue out by his own will and vision and even that motherfucker looked on down in disgust. YOU OUT DID THE MOTHERFUCKING HIGHBLOOD. You're a perfect troll, Terezi Pyrope."
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And, of all things, outside of the misery and anguish that still shows itself in the way her wings tremble and how white her knuckles are, she looks torn. Like she can't decide if this is the best course of action, or even something she wants to be close to being involved with.
Despite it, she knows even if this is all that's left of the Initiate, he wouldn't want whatever this is. More tears slip from her eyes as she squeezes them tightly shut, and she grabs her knife from the ground, where she'd dropped it originally after she started signing. She holds it up towards Terezi, though she doesn't look at her. Mostly she just looks at the Core.
"I can crush it if that isn't enough."
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She did that to him. It's her fault that he had to endure that. It was for her that he risked that Avoxing, and she knows that they weren't kind to him in the slightest.
It takes her a moment to remember how to breathe, her thoughts spinning wildly in horror until Nill's voice interrupts her thoughts. The knife. Yes, she needs that. She was going to dismantle this thing. Dismantle, not cut it. There would be no slicing or splitting of flesh. This was metal and vile and entirely the Capitol's fault.
"It's okay. I can handle this," she says aloud, not trusting her thoughts to convey the sentiment that she wants to convey. She lifts her hand to take the knife and repositions the metal ball in her lap. The blade of the knife finds a home between two plates, and Terezi attempts to wedge them apart to gain access to the inside.
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The sounds don't ring distinct, leaving much to imagination. There's no screaming or protest. Just wet noises and clicking tools. Gagging. A sort of weak attempt at noise, nothing more than a terrible mute wheezing that becomes a sigh with on click. A panicked gasping that follows another. Something what might otherwise be a scream. A louder click and the sound of electric current running loud. The shake, clatter, and whine of metal, as some force fights against it, just under that electric sound. Then a simple command filled all with the sharpest static distorting the single voice; "Pick it up." Silence follows, then hardly a second later, "Correct."
It's all so very quiet, subdued. Hardly the sounds one would anticipate of a horrific scene. It could be ignored, easily.
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They recorded it. Those fuckers broke him when they made him into an Avox, and to add insult to injury, they recorded it.
Nill's wings flare out against her back, livid, even as she lifts a hand to cover her mouth, because though there's almost nothing in her stomach she's almost certain that she's going to be sick. Her wings fold back in and down against her back entirely.
The anger and the nausea fight losing battles in her chest, but even as they do Nill glances over at Terezi, to see how she's taking it. If she's as horrified as Nill is then she could make sure that Terezi couldn't hear it. It would give her a headache in her current state, but it could still be done.
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Her stomach turns. Peripherally, she realizes that she shouldn't think about it. She knows that this is the Gamemaker's trick, to give her those sounds and to let her curious mind paint the picture. The imagination is always a hundred times worse than reality. But in this case, she finds it difficult to believe that. Suddenly, she feels nauseous at thought of doing this--taking this thing's voice while thoughts of Kurloz's suffering fill her mind.
The core drops--shoved out of her lap and away from her with a clatter of metal on metal.
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If a machine's silence could be smug, then certainly, this one's would be.
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The suffering of others, however, will always spur Nill into action, and if she knows anything it's that Kurloz would not want what the Core is making Terezi listen to.
She finally picks herself up from the the ground and walks over to the Core to pick it up. For a moment that feels much longer than it really is Nill just holds it in her hands, before lifting the Core so that she can carefully bump her forehead against it again.
"We love you," says the voice, though of course the Core can't hear her.
After that she sets the Core down again and takes a step back. The hesitation is still there, still obvious, but Nill lifts a hand, palm up and open, and quickly forms it into a fist. Whether it's enough to actually finish the job is debatable - she doesn't know how reinforced the things like this are when it comes to the Capitol making them - but the instant Nill does it the Core is crushed in on all sides, as though it were a balled up piece of paper in Nill's hands.
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Nill's movement catches her attention, pulling her out of that dangerous cycle of thought. She's not sure what Nill intends to do, but she does know that that thing needs to be destroyed. It can't be allowed to continue this mockery of Kurloz's existence. They have to get rid of it...
It's almost a relief when she realizes that Nill has the same idea finally. The core is crushed and Terezi sits there smelling the crumpled ball of metal with an uneasy feeling in her chest. Hesitantly, she gets to her feet and joins Nill, reaching out with her foot to nudge what used to be the device that speak with Kurloz's voice.
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If Terezi looks she'll probably notice there are burst blood vessels in Nill's eyes as well, but she's not going to get much of a chance. It's only another second or two before Nill turns and starts walking away, stumbling only a little when she missteps, so much paler than she was a few minutes ago.
She's out of the room in moments and Terezi will probably hear her retching, but if she goes to follow Nill she won't see her, even if the cameras show them as being a few yards away from each other.