Team...whatsit.

[forgetfulmind]

WHO Ariadne, Amy Reese, Kaidan, Garrus, Sheppard? I think that's everyone.
WHAT Mingle post for the awesome team of soon-to-fail.
WHERE Up near the showline. Let's say... 3-I? Maybe they found a good campsite there, by the stream? I'm thinking Amy and Ariadne found the camp while Kaidan was off doing his open-log things. If there are objections to this, let me know! Happy to edit.
WHEN Wednesday - Friday
NOTES Tag around, form threads, mingle and do stuff. Time is flexible, and mods might toss in an attack or two, so be wary.

The campsite is a secluded clearing, close to the snow, colder than the low altitudes but perhaps safer. Rocky ledges provide some shelter from the elements, and a cold snow-fed stream flows by.

Wednesday night, after the camp is first established, a silver parachute drops in with a blanket and a box of matches.

After Garrus joins, more gifts come, in the form of food for him and a couple more blankets.

All in all, it's starting to feel more like a camping trip than a fight to the death.

Of course, this is soon to change.

Comments

[implant]

"Commander." Kaidan knows someone was approaching and he didn't turn to face them. There's just a pit of anxiety in his stomach when Shepard greets him; something bred from having watched her die and trying to put that memory, her memory, to rest while never succeeding to do so. He stands gingerly, turning to face her. Even without the hair care Kaidan was used to, he manages to keep his longer-than-regulation hair out of his face, slicked back. There's a thousand things he wants to say to her and it makes his lips thin, fingers twitching at his side. He really should contain himself, here is not the place for this kind of thing. If he trusts her enough to follow the same ideal though-- he honestly doesn't know anymore. He doesn't know her.

[galaxyherder]

Here, in this place, the two of them along with all other others, are dressed in the same jacket, pants and boots. Kaidan's several days unshaven, and she hasn't washed her hair since before she was shoved into the tubs the first day of the Arena. Whatever this place is, they are no more than civilians in their eyes, if they are even considered that much. And despite how much she doesn't want to admit it, they are so impossibly far from Alliance reach she's starting to doubt it even exists here.

"I don't know how much that title means in this place," she says. She's hoping for light. Almost joking. But there's a seriousness there she isn't afraid to make known. Kaidan doesn't need to call her Commander. Hell, he's a commander too now, isn't he, and she hasn't exactly referred to him as such. Then again, she's always been quicker to drop formalities than most. And Kaidan's probably just being... Kaidan.

[implant]

Kaidan shifts, crossing his arms defiantly. "It means something to me, ma'am." He was there when she was first assigned to the Normandy, he was there as she rose under Anderson's command, he watched her the entire time. Here she is now, and Kaidan's formality doesn't drop. She had been his Commanding Officer and Udina rarely inspired anyone the way Shepard did. A natural born leader. It shows in his speech, even if his trust and respect has vanished.

[galaxyherder]

She quirks an eyebrow, and wonders if Kaidan's always been this difficult, or if he's actually trying. She'd only meant it as a friendly gesture. A 'hey, I think we know one another well enough by now that you can actually call me by my real name, now and then,' kind of thing, and he just takes it like she's trying to toss it aside. Like everything she's worked for, her entire life, means nothing. It's offensive, really.

And she can tell by the shift his his body language that he's tense. Not just because of the situation they've been thrown into. But also, because of her. "It means something to me too, you know. I only meant that you can call me by my name, every once in a while."

[implant]

Kaidan's lips thin and he shifts his weight from foot to foot as if preparing for a battle. Before, on the Normandy? Of course Kaidan would call Shepard by her name, considered her a friend, one of his only. He never branched out easily, but there was just something in Shepard that pried out the darkest secrets. Kaidan wishes he couldn't remember any of that. It makes her... new alliances stand out glaringly so. "If that's what you want, Shepard, then I can accommodate." For now, they're on the same side, even if Kaidan's eyes glow blue with biotics to betray how he really feels.

[galaxyherder]

Shepard narrows her eyes, studying him. Kaidan's never been a particularly open, sharing guy. But if you spend time with someone, breathe the same recycled air and eat the same tasteless military food as someone for long enough, it gets easier to read them.

Basically, what she sees on his face is not matching up with what he's saying. And he's never been the type to tell her what she wants to hear, of course, but he's definitely holding something back. Placating her while he burns under his own metaphorical collar. "What I want," she gives a sigh, "is for you and me to be on the same page again."

[implant]

"I don't think that will ever happen." The biotics give and Kaidan lets his arms fall to his sides. If she thinks it's easy to simply forget who she works for, what Cerberus has done in the past, then Shepard is terribly mistaken. Cerberus are terrorists, they stand against everything Shepard used to stand for. If Shepard had just stayed dead, then at least he could remember her for someone honourable.

Not this.

"With all due respect, of course." But there's nothing there. He doesn't respect her. He used to-- hell, he used to idolize her. The first human Spectre, the woman who brought humanity forward more than any one person had in one lifetime. Now she shames everything she's done and it brings Kaidan's blood to a boil.

[galaxyherder]

"The Cerberus thing?" she doesn't have to ask. She knows that's exactly what he's hung up on, and suddenly, she's glad they're alone. The girls don't need to hear the two of them arguing, and one is coming. She can feel it. It's been coming for a while now, and there isn't half a galaxy separating them anymore. Just thin mountain air and frustration.

"For Christ's sake, Kaidan, is everything so black and white to you, that for one second you can't think of one reason why I made the choice to work with them?" she doesn't yell. Hardly even raises her voice, but she doesn't hide her frustration with him. God, he had been right there with her! Ilos. The Citadel. He'd almost been carried off Horizon by the Collectors just like all the others. Would have been carried off if she hadn't come.

He knew. He had to know what they were up against, and that no one seemed inclined to do anything about it; not the Alliance, not the Council. So why look a gift horse in the mouth? If Cerberus was willing to fit the bill that was going to allow her to put a stop to a threat she, and Kaidan, knew to be real, then she was damn well going to let them.

[implant]

"Don't try to defend them, Shepard, not to me. Not after what they did to Admiral Kahoku and his men. Not after Akuze, Chasca; the Rachni they bred and experimented on. Not after Feros." Kaidan doesn't raise his voice either but he bristles, automatically putting up his defences, all of his guards firmly in place. Kaidan knows where he stands and Shepard will not make him budge. Just because Cerberus is trying to play nice this one time doesn't erase everything they uncovered on them before. Doesn't erase the evil they've brought. If anything, it just puts Shepard in more danger. Cerberus will bare it's fangs soon enough and Shepard will be the one to feel them. It's her choice.

[galaxyherder]

"I have no intention to defend them, Kaidan. I was on Akuze," and she's pretty sure he knew that. There aren't many people who have looked at a file with her name on it who don't. So it makes her all the angrier that he picks that particular instance to throw in her face. "You don't have to list their faults to me. I can guarantee you I've looked at more Cerberus agents through the end of a scope than I have ever held a conversation with. But they handed me a ship and my goddamn life back in the most literal sense of the word; let me hand pick my crew and gave me the means to do what both you and I know needs done. If sleeping with the enemy is what it takes to make sure Earth and Palaven and Thessia and all the others still even exist in two years, then so be it."

[implant]

Kaidan grinds his teeth down. He knows that Shepard was on Akuze-- he just wishes she would remember it. It was Cerberus, how could she work with them after that? He tosses his head to the side; jaw working as he tries to keep himself under control. Kaidan has to fold his arms over again just so that he doesn't wind up breaking the skin on his palms-- how could Shepard be so thick? How could she possibly think this was a good idea? Kaidan can feel his biotics crackling along his biceps, the back of his neck and over his collar-- springing from the faded implant scars. Shepard's always been one to play with fire, but Kaidan knows this time she will get burned in a way that will destroy her one way or another. "So you sell out your integrity?" He cuts her a sharp look then, brown melding into the palest blue. "You're not the same person I served under on the Normandy, Shepard. You never will be again."

[galaxyherder]

The flicker of biotic blue hadn't escaped her attention before, but it certainly has her attention now. And she knows how powerful he is. She's without her armor; no shields, no plating. Just her and her bare skin and... well, there is the sword at her back, but she doesn't want to fight him. Not in a real fist to cuffs battle, though she's not afraid to do so if it comes to it. He won't be the first biotic she's faced by a long shot. Hell, she's been up against a string of Asari mercs before and barely felt a scratch. But she'd rather he just come to his senses before she has to result to knocking some into him.

"Integrity?" she growls, because that's a low blow, and she's not so full of pride that she can't admit it hurts. "No. I'm the same person I was two years ago. And does it suck to see a Cerberus logo on the hull of my ship? You're damn right, it does. But I am not going to let something like a logo keep me up at night, when I know there's an enemy out there no one else is willing to even admit exists, let alone try to figure out how to stop. Anderson saw that. Why can't you?"

[implant]

Kaidan says nothing about Anderson. The man sees Shepard as the daughter he never had. Nothing she could do would ever be bad; no person she joined with could be completely evil. Anderson was biased. But Kaidan still knows his place and it is not to talk about the Captain like that. "The Counsel would have backed you if you had given them proof, Shepard. They trusted you. Now, with Cerberus? They doubt everything you've done."

[galaxyherder]

"And how does one go about getting that proof, Kaidan? You saw first hand how well Alliance is received in the Terminus Systems. Where our colonies were being snatched up by Collectors. You think the Council just handed me back my Spectre status because they doubted my judgement?" she knows as well as anyone that her reinstatement was mostly formality. The Terminus Systems were beyond the reach of Council Space just as much as they were out of Alliance Territory. But at least it was a gesture of good faith; that they understood her head and heart were in the right place. The Council didn't like Cerberus any better than... well, just about anyone else in the galaxy, but at least they could acknowledge that the temporary partnership was more of a benefit than a hindrance, if she had wanted to get actual results. They might not have bought into her whole 'the reapers are coming' warning yet, but the missing colonies were real, solid fact. Something no one could ignore. And also something that neither the Council nor the Alliance could actually do anything about, if they didn't want to risk a war. And at least that was something everyone could agree no one wanted.

[implant]

"You've made a mistake, Shepard, and you aren't going to realize that until it's too late." Because that's what Shepard does. It's what she's always done. Rubbing his forehead gingerly, Kaidan keeps his jaw tight, working the muscles hard and keeping himself distracted. His biotics are as temperamental as ever and he doesn't need to think about them, what they'd do if he focused on it instead. Nothing good-- no, it wouldn't be good. "Do you feel like you owe Cerberus? Is that it?"

[galaxyherder]

"Owe them?" she almost laughs. Bitterly, yes, but that doesn't make it any less absurd. "No. I don't owe them. I didn't ask them to bring me back. Didn't ask them for a damn thing. They want to give it to me? Well that's fine too. I saw an opportunity and I took it. At the time, it was the best option I had. And when you get nearly two years of your life snatched away from you like that... well, you kind of come to understand that time isn't really a luxury. You want to fault me for that? Fine. But I just don't think you're seeing the big picture here, Kaidan."

[implant]

"Does the big picture matter if you loose what makes you human in the process?" Kaidan all but spits this out fingers curling over and a sharp headache springing up behind his eyes as he keeps grip on his control as tight as he can. It makes his entire body hurt, but he's not going to start throwing punches. He promises himself that he won't. He can't-- not again. He hasn't lost control since brain camp. "Are you even human anymore?"

[galaxyherder]

Somehow, this conversation is not going anything like she'd hoped. Why does he have to be so goddamn stubborn?

And she sees this signs of his headaches, the curling flickers of blue and she bristles. Subconsciously, she's already preparing for a confrontation. Her jaw set, shoulders squared.

"Do you really think so little of me?" she says, green eyes narrowed. His words sting, and maybe it isn't really all him talking. Stress and pent up anger and a dozen other things. But that doesn't change the fact that he'd said it.

[implant]

"I don't know what to think of you anymore, Shepard." Kaidan's voice is defeated, his lips thin. He doesn't take his eyes off Shepard, can't afford to. If she's one step ahead of him then he looses. Game over. He need to keep himself alert and aware. He remembers the duelling in BAaT; the fights with his fellow biotics. He remembers the rules drilled into him the hard way, the bruises and the spilt blood. Never show your hand until you know your enemy's. Kaidan will never know all of Shepard, but he can guess well enough. He can feel his biotics climb, can feel how they charge the air around him. It makes him bite off a shutter-- he won't loose control of himself, not like this. He won't.

[galaxyherder]

"Do you honestly think they changed me? That I've changed? That I just sold myself out? You think I would risk everything I've worked for my entire life, if I didn't think it was worth it in the end?" she asks in almost disbelief.

She could understand his trepidation at first, sure. She understood everyone's. She never expected to come back after two years of being mostly dead and flying under the banner of a known enemy and not expect some wariness and caution at first. None of it could have possibly been reassuring, and she knows that. But she was doing it for a reason. A damn good one, she thought. No. She didn't think. She knew. And everyone else in the goddamn galaxy seemed to see it. Garrus, Tali, Liara... she'd only had to fill them in on the details and they'd understood. All of them apprehensive about Cerberus too, of course. But even Shepard herself was, and made no secret of it. Not even to Cerberus. But at least they could see past a damn logo. Which was apparently something Kaidan was incapable of.

[implant]

"Did they change you, Shepard? Would you even be able to tell if they did?" Words aren't going to change Kaidan's mind and that's all Shepard has given him so far. Words are easy to manipulate. Kaidan learnt that a long time ago. "I don't know who you are or... what you are. How could I trust someone like that?"

[galaxyherder]

"I might have a few more metal bits in me than I was born with, but I'm pretty sure you can relate to that one, Kaidan. Every last hair tooth and nail is 100% me. And if Cerberus wanted to make me into someone else, I'm pretty sure they would have made me a little more compliant, with less of a temper and given me a higher tolerance for bullshit."

[implant]

The implication makes Kaidan's resolve snap. Mutant, freak, subpar-- subhuman-- all the insults he's faced for being born a biotic come right back at him and it's like seeing the talon Vyrnnus kept on his belt come out, feeling it along his skin. The spike comes without his permission and suddenly he's throwing Shepard against a tree with as much force as he has; a full on kick that leaves Kaidan unsteady, the wind pushed out of his chest. His skin glows blue as he stumbles, the pain from such a move making the world white out for a second. He's surprised his nose isn't bleeding-- maybe it is, he can't tell.

He hasn't lost control like that in over ten years. He's practices-- he's made himself a fortress; the desperate hold over what he is, who he is... it's shattered, infiltrated easily by the woman who once helped him keep the resolve strong. There's some kind of poetic justice there, but Kaidan is too busy backing up into the stream and pushing on his blue eyes, trying to force the biotics back, to notice.

[galaxyherder]

She sees it coming; the glow of biotic blue. It's a sight she's seen on more occasions than she would dare try and count, but never from Kaidan. There isn't much she can do about it though, other than ride it out. No shielding to protect her, no armor to soften the blow, she braces herself for impact and hears herself hit before she feels it.

She's six and a half feet back from where she'd been just a moment ago. Would have been more if the tree hadn't been in the way. Half her back will be bruised black by nightfall, but she doesn't think anything's broken. The worse of it is the breathing. She staggers forward, breathless and dazed and seething.

"You feel better, Alenko?!" she attempts to yell at him, though she's barely gasped down enough air in her lungs to get it out. It's taking all she has not to chase him down, throw him on the ground and literally try and beat some sense into him. Its lucky for him right now she can't breathe. Even though Kaidan's not a small man to say the least and Shepard isn't particularly statuesque, even for a woman, she's pretty sure she can take him. And right now, she couldn't care less about his goddamn headaches, he had better come back here and finish this.

[implant]

"Shit!" Kaidan struggles to keep his footing before the barrier around his sets off-- the charge in the air suddenly gone and when he looks up, his eyes are brown again. There's spots along the edges of his vision but he manages to control himself enough to get out of the stream, looking for where Shepard landed. He hadn't killed her-- that's... well, that's a plus. Kaidan isn't sure what he'd do if that happened. It look him a long time to rationalize what happened at BAaT, at least there he'd been in immediate physical danger. Here, with Shepard? No, she hadn't even threatened him.

He can hear her struggle for each breath, see how she drags herself up to her feet-- God, he has a fight on his hands and he doesn't even want one anymore. All he wants it to slink off and rebuild something akin to self-control, even if he knows that... it shatters. It's been over 13 years since he got back from Brain Camp; since he had to see his mother look at him with fear in her eyes-- "I'm sorry, Shepard." The apology fixes nothing, but he has to say it.