thearena | sithy tantrum

Entry tags:

sithy tantrum

Who| Starkiller and YOU/anyone who hears him making a mess
What| Starkiller finds his world's gift shop and gets mad
Where| The Star Wars store
When| Mid week two
Warnings/Notes| TBA

He's been good, just as the note he received told him to be. An effort has been made- it helps that the Avox conditioning makes it so that a command is hard to not follow, especially one coming from the Capitol, from Hans. But he's stubborn. Even in the conditioning, he's forced himself to do things against his better judgment, but only in places he knows no one could see him and only for very, very short periods of time. But in the arena, he's the picture of well behaved.

That is, he was until he finds the store dedicated to him and his universe. To anyone else, it might seem irrational. An over reaction. But to him, it's just all part of the reason why did what he did to get avoxed in the first place. He doesn't want to be here for their entertainment. To be objectified and used the way they're using him. As he walks through the shop and sees the mockery being made of his world, he just gets angry. Toy lightsabers, toy starships, action figures of people he knows and doesn't know, posters. Of him.

Toys of him, dolls of him. Toy replicas of his personal lightsaber. The same kinds of slippers he was given to wear in his first arena. Everywhere he looks, there he is on display for everyone's entertainment. It's enough to break him a little, to send him over the edge enough that he snaps. Before long, he's demolishing the place.Lightsabers are thrown, posters are torn off the walls, racks of clothes are pushed over. Obviously he can't make much noise, but his face is contorted with rage and the sound of him destroying the store carry quite far. His avox conditioning, rather than hindering him, just fuels him as he rampages through the store.

Anyone who comes to investigate might nearly get hit by something, a lightsaber, one of the figures- anything, because items are literally flying in his anger.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The only reason Feferi allows herself to be separated from Sollux is because she knows that he's going to be within shouting distance at best. Shouting distance, that is, if the din coming from one of the themed stores doesn't interfere. She can't help noticing things being thrown around, and she wonders if there's a fight going on in there-- maybe an opportunity she can seize upon, to catch someone while they're worn out. She's in this to win, and that means unfortunately she's going to have to take out a few people. She has her crowbar in hand as she slinks into the entrance of the store. She dodges a figure before she takes shelter just around the doorway, only poking her head in.

What she sees isn't a fight, but one very angry human. He's tearing the place apart, and as he rips a poster down, she can probably guess why. The Alternia-themed store had made her feel a little strange too, and not everyone takes things as gracefully as she does.

"Hello? Hey!" Her murderous intent gives way to concern; she feels bad to see someone so obviously unhappy.

Starkiller is very much in his own little world, so angrily intent on destroying the store that he doesn't even think of the possibility of anyone actually stumbling upon him and his rage. If he weren't in such a frame of mind, he might even be embarrassed by his actions, but he's too far gone to even care right now.

It takes him a moment for her voice to register, to realize that someone is talking to him and is even there at all. In his anger and adrenaline fueled state, he can't help but assume whoever it is, is there to attack. He whips around, hand reaching for the crowbar he keeps at his waist, about to raise it up and rush at her before something in his mind clicks and he realizes that she's not an enemy. That her words hadn't been aggressive and neither is her expression.

He's breathing heavily, shaking lightly, as he slowly lowers the crowbar.

As soon as it looks like he's calming down, at least a little, Feferi slinks out from her hiding place and steps forward, holding out her free hand like one much approach a strange animal. There's not much she can do with her own weapon, but she holds it back, trying to be as non-threatening with it as possible.

"There you go, it's okay." She's trying to be comforting; she just sounds patronizing. But she is trying and the look on her face shows it. There's real concern there. "Maybe you shouldn't be in this place. It's making you pretty mad, right?"

If Feferi's goal is to appear none-threatening, she's certainly succeeding. She isn't the type of person he would normally feel threatened by anyway, considering how many people he's killed in his lifetime. When you've faced down a rancor, a troll certainly isn't very scary. But even despite that, she's coming off quite friendly and that's a rarity in the arena.

Starkiller relaxes a little more, his breathing slowly after a moment. When she speaks, there's a part of him that searches for a command in her statement, the part of him that is conditioned to listen to people. He can resist it, but it still comes more naturally to him than anything and her words are vague. They could go either way. Despite that, he nods and it's...tired. Almost vaguely defeated, if not for the fact he's so damn stubborn. He refuses to let them truly defeat him.

But the more he searches her words, the more he realizes that she's right. This place is making him angry, and he think he's made his point. With a slow draw of his breath, he nods again and gestures towards the exit of the store. She can lead the way.

Feferi can be very fierce when she wants to be, but... well, she's tiny, and normally very cute so it is hard for her to be convincingly frightening. Still, she relaxes to see him calm down at least a little bit. His silence confuses her, but she assumes for the moment that he's just too angry still to say anything.

"Alright. Come on, follow me! I know somewhere we can go." If he lets her, she'll lead him down the hall a bit, to a different store full of meaningless kitsch, and lead him behind the register, where they can hunker down for a little while and he can catch his breath from all that rage-filled exertion.

It doesn't occur to Starkiller that she doesn't know he's an avox. He's gotten so used to everyone knowing already that he forgets the newer tributes probably don't actually know what happened. Right now, he's just assuming she already knows.

And he will follow her- he has no reason not to, and there's definitely a bit of a command in her words, which makes it easy to follow along even if he didn't particularly want to. When they reach the store, he does raise an eyebrow simply because it's not really his type of place, but he doesn't say anything. You know, because he can't.

Once they're behind the register, he gives her a look that, he hopes, plainly asks what now?

Gosh, he really is a quiet one. She slides to the ground behind the register and pats the spot next to her. They would be out of sight, unless someone came in and got the same idea as them, but besides that, there's not a whole lot of interest back here.

"Come on. Now we can get comfy, and talk about it." Little does she know.

With a slight hesitation, Starkiller sits down in the spot indicated. It's strange, because he feels much bigger than her and out of place in a store like this. She's so different than him, he can't help but feel a little awkward.

And then she speaks, and there it is. She doesn't know that he's an avox. He can't help the way his eyes fall shut and a sigh blows out through his nose. It's been a while since he's had to let anyone know he's an avox, but it's still not that easy.

He brings up a hand and gestures at his mouth, before shaking his head. He could open his mouth and show his lack of tongue, but that doesn't strike him as something anyone would appreciate at all.

It takes a second for his pantomiming to register with her but when she does, her brows furrow. "Oh. You can't talk?"

That explains a whole lot. Even if he could tell her, she wouldn't even know what avox meant; she's heard it a few times, but the concept is unclear to her so far. This throws a wrench into her plans, and she has to rethink her strategy.

"Well, that's okay. I guess I can probably figure out why you were mad." Or at least, she can get the broad strokes. "You didn't like all the stuff from your home, huh? It's kind of like they were making fun of us."

Feferi took the Alternia store in stride, but some of it made even her turn up her nose. As much as she loves having the opportunity to stick a pair of fake fins on Sollux, trolls were more than just some cute thing to dress up as, and the wanton display of filial pails is just plain wrong.

Starkiller gives a brief nod at her question, confirming that he can't talk.

And then she earns brownie points by not trying to ask why or how, because he really doesn't want to think about that right now. He'd done something stupid, and on good days he can stand by it. On bad days, he finds himself regretting it. Surely there was a better way to prove his point than to do what he did. But it's in the past now, he can't change it.

As she continues, he nods again and this time it's less brief, slower to show that he's confirming what she's saying. That's exactly it, she's hit the nail on the head. His jaw sets firmly at her last words, a wave of anger coming over him again. It's so true, but there's nothing he can do about it except let them make a mockery of him and his home. It's not even his home that he cares about, it's those in it. Knowing any of them could be brought here at any moment, it makes him angrier than anything.

But he shrugs, after a moment. There's nothing he can do, it's pointless to get so angry, so he just takes in a deep breath and lets it out through his nose, trying to let the anger go. For a Sith, that's pretty hard. He supposes he's been more Jedi than Sith as of late, though. He isn't sure how to feel about that.

Reaching out, Feferi gives him a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Just remember, they were making fun of all of us, not just you. You should have seen what they had in our store! They just want to get to you, but don't let them!"

Not that most humans would really get it, but her point still stands. She just wants to make sure he knows he's not alone. And it's a little too late; they've probably already got him on camera going nuts on the store. What else can she do but to offer the platitude anyway?

"Oh! I don't think I know your name, though. You tore it down before I could see it." She's pretty sure it must have been on some of those posters, but she didn't see them before they were torn up. She holds out her hand, palm up. "Here, spell it on my hand!"

To acknowledge her gesture, he places his hand atop hers for a brief moment, giving it a pat as well. He appreciates it, even if it's going to take a lot more than that to ever make him feel truly better in regards to this situation. He nods, to let her know that he recognizes the truth in what she's saying. At the same time, he can't help but wonder what her store is like.

He's surprised when she suggests he write the answer on her hand, a way he hasn't ever considered communicating before. It's not the easiest way, but he doesn't have any paper on hand and so he decides to just go for it. He takes hold over her hand and holds it steady, using the other one to spell it out.

Starkiller. And then, he spells out: Thank you.

He has to keep his words short because it takes a little longer to get them out in a way she can understand what he's spelling, so he hopes that she knows that he's thanking her for helping to calm him down. He's grateful for it, he just can't express it. Being angry had been cathartic, and he doesn't regret what he did, but it's likely it would have ended badly if she hadn't shown up.

"Starkiller?" She repeats it back, to give him a chance to correct her. What a strange name-- it's just a little too long to be normal, but not the most bizarre human name she's heard, anyway. And then to what he adds after, she just gives a smile and nods. "Don't mention it. You seemed like you needed it, and I could not just walk away."

When she sees someone in need of pacifying, the instinct just kicks in. She would love to have a proper feelings jam right here and now, even, but she doesn't think that would be very efficient, even with this method of communication. And then she has to wonder--

"Does this make us allies now?" She could use more, but at the same time, she's afraid of having to betray someone. The least she can do is make sure of where they stand before there's any unfortunate miscommunication.

He nods when she says his name, unaware that she's thinking it's strange. Honestly, he's gotten used to those sorts of reactions in regards to his name. Starkiller doesn't seem to be normal anywhere he goes except in his own galaxy. Not that he chose this name- he has no idea what his real name is. Vader made sure of that. He doesn't sign on her hand until after she speaks again, and there's no hesitation when he signs on her hand again.

Of course.

Again, he signs slowly so that she can understand what he's saying. She's more than proved herself worthy of being his ally, and he's seen no reason not to trust her. So as far as he's concerned, there will be no unfortunate miscommunications.

"Okay then." She was hoping he'd say no, but she can't turn him down now. He hasn't said a word and she's already weirdly fond of him. "I will tell you what I tell all my other allies! If it comes down to you and me, and we have no other choice but to fight, then we make it a fair fight. If we both have good weapons then we use them. If we don't, we go hand to hand. You're bigger, but I have sharper teeth so I think it will be okay. These are my terms! Do you accept?"

Because the last thing she wants is to win just because someone let her, but equally she knows that she would never do the same. She has her own agenda, and she's not going to let an ally get in the way of that. It's the only reasonable solution she's come to yet.

Edited 2014-09-30 18:26 (UTC)

If Starkiller were capable of laughing properly, he would be. He's never had the ally spiel given to him before, though he's known of people doing it. Usually, he thinks it just goes without saying, but it's kind of... cute? that she's so intent on it. And he doesn't describe things as cute very often, if at all. But even though he signs Agreed on her hand, he can't help thinking to himself that if it comes down to it, he really can't see himself killing her. It won't be a fair fight, he won't be able to give it his all.

But she doesn't need to know that.

After a moment, he decides to change the subject, just so as not to get caught in a lie or seem insincere.

Where have you been staying?

It's only fair, and proper communication is key. It takes careful concentration when he starts spelling out longer phrases, but she gets it in the end, and shrugs in response.

"Wherever we can. Mostly on the first floor, but we move to different places. We've been getting food right before they close all the doors at night, then eat in there, so that we won't be interrupted. Because that would suck!" There's not enough time to gather or eat a proper meal, so the least they can do is get through what they can take with them. "What about you, have you found any really good secret spots?"

Starkiller can't help but think it sounds similar to his set-up with Thor. They tend to set up wherever they can, not a whole lot of thought goes into it. He nods along, and when it comes to answering he starts out slowly, because this is longer than anything he's signed up to this point.

We do not stay anywhere in particular. My current allies are... He pauses for a moment, searching for the right word to describe them. Brave. Capable. They are not afraid of conflict. We stay wherever we stay.

Another pause.

Are you familiar with Thor?

That's a lot of words. It gets hard for Feferi to follow, but she gets the gist of it and nods along. It's when he spells out T-H-O-R on her hand that she really perks up, looking outright excited.

"Yes! I know Thor, he is my friend! Do you know him too, is her your ally too?" That makes things a lot easier if it's true. The idea that there might be tangling alliances in here hadn't completely slipped past her, but she hasn't been actively thinking about it. Now that he mentions it though...

It is a lot of words, and Starkiller tries his best to go slowly. Sometimes it can't be helped though- life would be easier if he thought to grab paper and a pen, but that hadn't been his first thought after his little rampage.

Still, he's relieved that she gets the gist of it and that she knows of Thor, that makes things infinitely easier. Starkiller gives a simple nod in response, letting her know that yes, he knows him and is one of his allies.

We've been traveling together for a week now. He pauses to let her comprehend. He is probably wondering where I am. Would you like to come back with me?

Traveling... come with... Feferi gets the gist of it, and she turns for a moment to peer around out of their hiding spot, towards the store entrance, before she turns back.

"I can walk with you for a little while, but I shouldn't get too far from Sollux. Then he might start to worry and..." She stops, and wonders if she should say anything more, about why she's really worried about leaving him alone. He's weaker. He's more vulnerable. She shakes her head, and decides to keep it to herself. "And anyway, I told him I wouldn't go too far."

Starkiller understands. There are certain responsibilities that come with having allies and sticking with people, he knows it's not a good idea to worry them. So he gives a nod, before moving to stand up. He reaches out his hand in order to help pull her up, and then moves to start heading towards the entrance, deciding not to ask about her hesitations. It's her business, after all. Not his.

Given that it's hard to communicate while they're walking and he's on the lookout for anyone who might attack, the rest of the walk continues on in silence as he leads the way towards where his allies have set up.

Feferi walks quietly with him for a while, not sure that she's adding any value to their little two-person party, but not ready to part just yet-- not until they hit a certain point and she reaches out to give his arm a tug to stop him.

"This is as far as I can go." She feels bad just for saying it, but she has her priorities, and he looks perfectly capable of taking care of himself. "But maybe we will run into each other again later?"

The Initiate is new to being an avox. He didn't quite get on having the full experience as like what others have got, others like starkiller. But that only makes this all the more astounding, profound. Motherfucking alarming.

He can't help but gaze upon, not the store, but starkiller himself with some shock. To simply rain destruction senseless and merciless-- messy-- is something beyond what he would have thought capable. But Starkiller manages skillfully.

He walks into the fray of it all, fingers twitching to clean and fix, but mostly, he just watches in awe.

Thankfully when he gets hit, it's being by something soft. A slipper.

Starkiller doesn't notice him, not at first. He's so intent on destroying the place completely and absolutely that he doesn't hear him entering the store and it helps his back is turned to Initiate, as he rips costumes and clothes off of the rack. Somewhere along the way, a pair of slippers gets thrown over his shoulder, the very ones that end up hitting Initiate.

It's only when the very mechanism that drove him crazy in his first arena goes off that he turns around, startled. The slippers had begun to make breathing noises like his former master. In his angry state, for a second he thinks that Initiate is somehow responsible for the noise and he very nearly goes in for the attack, just to shut him and those breathing noises up. But then rationalization gets to him and he realizes that Initiate isn't the one doing it.

More than that, familiarity dawns on him. Initiate is like him. He's seen the troll in the avox quarters, and beyond that he remembers their brief interaction from when he'd first arrived. He hadn't liked him much, but now he feels differently. Like they suddenly have more in common than before, now that they're avoxes.

Still breathing heavy, still shaking, he gives Initiate a nod of acknowledgement.

After all this time of not being able to communicate-- the motherfucking pain it is unbearable to try-- there's something relieving about facing another avox. He doesn't feel that same pressure, like a beast's breath on his neck, a crushing weight. He ain't supposed to communicate with people but... an avox ain't a person. An avox don't hardly count up at all.

And so for that it's being like he ain't really talking. This one singular thing is okay. And so he nods back with an overwhelming ease. Sup.

His eyes go from Starkiller in all his whirlwind glory, to the devastation what's been wrought here, before him. This is an avox what did this. Even with the twitch-urge to clean it all up, he can appreciate true, clear, and legit, this is being some pure motherfucking poetry what's been gotten to be done.

His eyes travel back to Starkiller, mostly with the same sort of fear-- not of the other avox, but of what capitol placed in their heads-- what's settled there permanent, but with the maybe a tiny sliver of being impressed and a slightly greater question. What in Messiahs' names was he doing?

He knows that feeling all too well. He's always felt a little more leeway when it comes to interacting with other avoxes. How else are they supposed to get anything done together, if they don't at least communicate at a base level? They have it easier, with the people they serve. At least those can talk and issue commands, but with an avox you're a little more on equal footing.

Starkiller hasn't quite come down from the high enough to feel the need to clean up his mess just yet, but it will come and when he does he plans on getting as far away as he possibly can. Because he refuses to clean it up, to be the slave he's been turned into. It takes a lot of fight and willpower, but he's going to resist as much as possible. In the arena, he's free. They can't make him do anything.

When Initiate gives him that look, Starkiller gives him a determined look. One as confident as he can manage, with everything they've done to him. The answer should be quite clear. Proving a point.

He blinks. Well... shit. He can't argue none with that.

Or, he can. He can because conditioning is being all no, no, no, this ain't a thing what should be proven, we'll been punished all the motherfucking more. He should make all that clear to his fellow avox. On some level it's probably being a sort of duty to. But, he decides-- even if all he has to fight to make it about happenstance-- that he doesn't want to.

He gives a half-appreciative sort of nod at that. Oh Mirth but he is toeing some serious motherfucking lines.

He looks around him again, at the mess what's been created. He's all twitching digits to be on cleaning it up right now, but he part feels like if he did so, he'd be betraying his fellow avox and would probably deservingly get his head beat in with a lamp or something.

Speaking of, there's one all set up just on that shelf beside him. His hand shakes as it rises up, then his whole arm, like it's genuine effort. He reaches out and just lightly knocks at the lamp. It falls, smashes, shatters all over everywhere. He winces. His fists clench tight to resist all picking that up.

There are some feelings that are all too easy to pick on. Starkiller isn't the best at reading people, even when he'd been around them more pre-avoxing. But in situations like this, he can pretty much feel it radiating off of Initiate. Avoxes aren't hard to read, when you really get down to it. They either feel a deep need to serve, or an extreme fear when something goes against their programming.

So as he gets these feelings from Initiate, there's a part of him willing the other avox not to give in. To fight. If he can fight it, then so can Initiate. It's hard, impossibly hard, but the more you do it, the easier it is. Especially in the arena. Back in the Capitol, of course, they could punish you. But the more you act out, the more it becomes clear that no one is going to do anything. No one drags you away, no one hurts you. It's a liberating feeling, it truly is.

And Initiate is fighting it well. A part of Starkiller is truly surprised when Initiate shatters the lamp. It's rare that Starkiller smiles, but that does bring out a smile in him, even if small. There's something like pride, in knowing he's helping push the other avox into fighting the conditioning. Slowly, as not to alarm Initiate, he steps over and places a hand on the troll's shoulder, giving him a nod.

You did good.

Then, he nods towards the exit, taking him by the shoulder in order to start guiding him towards it. Starkiller's calmed down thanks to the interaction- there's just been something really relaxing about it, and maybe it's the part of him that can sympathise with how difficult it had been for Initiate. It had been hard and stressful enough for the troll, so he thinks now it would be a good idea to get him out of such a messy place. Little steps go a long way, too much at once isn't good for anyone.

It's a strange look what he gets from Starkiller. He's not quite sure what to make of it. It doesn't get all to process, doesn't fit as no puzzle piece of knowledge up and would. It ain't just the feeling that is so foreign but that he's on the receiving end of it from someone he only knows by a single conversation and a shared sense of warpedness done on them.

But then, had he not gone to Cecil for the same motherfucking thing? He'd never even spoken to the man before then, not a single word, but he'd been tongueless in a life before and Cecil was tongueless then. It just sort of made sense. It worked.

But even still, when he registers what he thinks he may be seeing, it makes him feel curiously smaller, over anything else. He, who towers over everyone. The curious thing being, it doesn't leave him robbed of no power, as his avoxing made to do.

The conditioning all the while screams at him. He's disobeyed. He's done wrong. He's made presence, he's made a mess, he's allowed his fellow avox to do the same. He'll punished terribly. He grits his teeth and does his very best not to hear it.

Because of the slowness of the motion, the Initiate's flinch is minimal. His fists are still clenched with the effort of restraint and his eyes are wide as Starkiller nods at him. He's turned to the exit and so to the exit he goes, doing his best to ignore the mess. But even still he glances over with his eyes all of question. Would Starkiller be staying to clean alone? Would he be coming with him?

Unfortunately, Starkiller doesn't realize just the effect he's having on Initiate. It's a more subtle feeling that he can't pick up on, but he does at least note that he isn't getting any negative vibes from Initiate, so that's good. He realizes that he very easily could have upset the avox, and he didn't. This is going well.

Still, with his hand on Initiate he can feel the tenseness even more, so his idea to get him out of the store is definitely a good one. As Initiate begins moving, it won't take long for him to realize that Starkiller is indeed following him; he's done here, for now. Whether he'll come back later is another story, but for now his main concern is Initiate.

It doesn't take long to get him out and he can tell that Initiate is fighting the urge to clean the entire time they step over and around the destroyed store. So when they finally get out, it's like a breath of fresh air as they leave behind such a tense environment.

He'll turn to face and look at Initiate, his expression softer and more questioning as he tries to communicate the question of, Are you alright?

It ain't hard to pick that question out. Maybe it's because he's gotten used to Kurloz being mute as he is, the other avoxes, or maybe he's just got a skill for the unsaid. More likely, it was due to it being just an obvious sort of look.

Is he alright? That was hard to say. Relative to being an avox? Yeah, maybe, sort of, kinda not but it was ignorable. Relative to everything the fuck else? Well, he ain't dead. Along the sliding scale of alright and not, he probably didn't rate very high but he certainly wasn't the lowest.

He gives a nod, because he can. But he follows up with raised brows to say, motherfucker, are you?

Ignoring the triumph and sin simultaneous of having made such a mess, he can't imagine that it was triggered by nothing.

He supposes he ought to expect the question to be thrown back at him, so he doesn't really have much of a chance to consider Initiate's answer before he has to think of a way to respond on his own. The thing that comes to mind first and foremost is that he's getting tired of communicating through body language and small nods or shakes of his head. They don't convey nearly enough of what he has to say.

So after a moment, he lets out a sigh and holds his hands up. Hold on. Stay here.

He backs up, eyes on Initiate to make sure that the troll will indeed stay, before he turns and heads off, his goal to find something to write on and to write with. It takes him a few minutes to find something, but he does eventually and when he returns to initiate, he has a few scraps of paper and things to write with. He'll offer Initiate a bit of the paper, before scrawling out an answer to the question from before.

I'm as well as you might expect. I guess it was a silly question to ask overall. There really isn't a way for either of us to settle much here.

He's not sure where starkiller's going but he's not about to move. Even if it's being by another avox, he very explicitly got asked to do something. His brows are lifted as to say, naw motherfucker, I ain't going nowheres farlike.

But of all things he expected the other avox to return with, a pad of paper ain't being one. He sucks his breath right up, like starkiller's brought a weapon and not just something to write with. His mind goes right to Kurloz and his forced signing lessons, making him all to communcate illicit, sometimes on paper just like that. His first thought is, oh mirth, not this.

At least Starkiller is an avox. That will make this easier for certain. And by all that he's already well and resolved to make himself write something. So, hesitantly, he takes that paper.

it's-- he pauses to think, frowning-- of frustration unmotherfuckingshakeable.

There. That's a heavy motherfucking admittance.

WAS GIVEN NO ORDER, PUT IN HERE. ain't sure what as to do. AS THOUGH THEY WISH HIM TO FAIL AND DISOBEY. even knowing what's to come

Even knowing that he's going to be punished after either way, it's hard to fight.

AIN'T KNOW HOW A MOTHERFUCKER MANAGES.

Starkiller can definitely tell that he's less than enthusiastic to write, but he's gonna be stubborn about this and insist if Initiate seems to not want to. It's so much easier to communicate with writing, though it helps he's had practice in regards to pushing away the fear and writing a few things. He occasionally would back in the Capitol, even if the fear that overtook him was immense. It wasn't very often he did it, but his audacity has helped fuel him in the arena now.

As he reads it, he agrees and he shows that with a nod. It's frustrating, because they know damn well that avoxes are not cut out for this. Cutting their tongues out is punishment enough, then they drop them in an arena to fight for their life with the brainwashing still there? It's not right.

But it's a tactic he expects from the Capitol, so he isn't even surprised.

Everyone copes differently with this. My methods for managing it might not help, but I've found embracing anger helps. The words of a true sith. If you allow anger to take over, it can burn away the Capitol's brainwashing and help you think more clearly. Let your anger and resentment consume you. Let it guide you.

Edited 2014-09-19 23:06 (UTC)

Embracing anger. Ha. There's an idea. It's how as he got through motherfucking life. At least, it was, back on Alternia. But motherfuckers got wanting something new here, something different. The only way not to see to an instantaneous cull was to keep control just enough as not to cull every motherfucker what was responsible for all such things every goddamned day he'd been in the tower.

He doesn't feel angry now. That's the funny thing about it. He feels worn. He feels tired. He feels grateful that enough of his people ain't being dead.

Starkiller's right though. That Alternian part fights still, even now, against his conditioning. But he's always been a creature of fear and the only difference now is that he can't do nothing but be about the acknowledging of it. He doesn't know what might happen if he goes that way. Maybe it won't be enough and he'll just lose hope entirely. Maybe it will be too much and they'll put him down like the useless slave he is or he'll hurt someone he ain't meaning to.

used to be like that. NORMAL WAS THAT AS TO BE. don't know now.

Hadn't he said this to someone? ...Yes. To Sandy, while training her. Let the rage guide. Let it crush hesitation. She managed well enough, didn't she?

His breath is unsteady even as he breathes deep.

CAN TRY. gratitude yours should all it work.

Edited 2014-09-20 00:42 (UTC)

Starkiller has been there. He really has. Being an avox has a special way of making you feel defeated, tired and just. Done with it all. But there are times that something sparks the anger, and once the spark is there all it takes is fuel for it to explode into something intense. The store had been his spark- no. He'd had his spark long ago, but the flame had died down. The store had made the flame explode, burn brighter than it has in a while.

Initiate just needs something like that. He has no idea what pushes the troll's buttons, but he knows they aren't his buttons to press. He can guide and he can sympathise, but it's up to the troll to figure out how to light his own fire.

It was the same for me. I came from a very hate-filled environment. It's made me who I am today, even if I've changed.

Starkiller gives him a nod.

If you can't find any anger within you, you have to look for it. Find something to make you angry, find something that burns so deeply that you can't do anything but let it out. I'm sure you can, it's easy in a place like this.

Those words catch him by surprise for some reason, though he can't put claw upon the why of it. He stares at Starkiller, even well after he nods, feeling... baffled, unsure. Maybe the sudden similarity beyond tonguelessness. Maybe it was some other thing.

He reminds himself to watch the words, not Starkiller, and looks back down to the paper. he follows along as the words take form.

An anger what burns so deep he can't do naught but let it take over...

Mituna. Losing Mituna. He'd lost control, gone out of his pan, had to be sedated so as not to be put the fuck down on the spot because all he wanted to do was destroy, cull, hurt. He had to be stopped because he couldn't remember there was a a reason he should care for his own survival no more, or anyone's at all. He couldn't remember there being anyone else.

MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING AFTERALL.

don't let so many others be as finding out. CAPITOL WILL FIGURE YOU AN AVOX CURE.

It's never too early for self-depreciating jokes.

Starkiller lowers his paper so he can watch Initiate; he can tell that the words are having an effect, that they aren't just falling on deaf eyes. After a moment, he can feel the anger building up in Initiate, and he can't help but feel a little proud of himself, but also proud of Initiate for finding it in him too. In the back of his mind, he can't help but think Initiate would make a good apprentice, if he had his connection to the Force.

But that's irrelevant, because neither one of them are in the right place for something like that. Instead of thinking about it like that, he figures if anything, the two of them might... be friends. That seems a good place to start.

A small smile forms on his lips as he reads the troll's message, especially the end of it.

If I'm considered a cure, then so be it. At least I'll have made a bigger difference than what caused me to end up like this in the first place.

He tries not to look too bitter in his appearance, but the truth is he's frustrated that he hadn't been able to accomplish what he'd wanted

I'm glad you found your anger. Hold onto it, don't let it go. But let it out when it counts.

Wouldn't that be something. A troll made all to be a sithlord. The Initiate made to be an apprentice. Well, it could possibly work, truth told. But that's neither here, there, or anywhere on the Initiate's mind or reach of knowing.

But friends. Friends he supposed were good. An ally at least.

Even if that all means a worry of what should happen when the Capitol gets wind of this. And they would, most certainly. He doubted they weren't watching them both now.

he'll do as all for his motherfucking best. AND HE SHALL WISH YOU LUCK. would offer prayer but...

But that's such an individualised thing to him, and more so, he can bear to call on the Messiahs whilst he's like this.

It sure would be something. Starkiller finds it almost weird that he's thinking of the possibility of getting an apprentice, even if it isn't in a serious capacity. It just shows how distanced he is from his past, in a way. He's come a long way since Vader's servant, enough that he's considering the possibility of having an apprentice himself. But alas, it's not possible.

What is, is friendship. And he's starting to feel the possibility is certainly there.

I wish you luck, as well. He decides not to particularly address the prayer, because while he doesn't believe in it, he doesn't want to insult Initiate somehow, either. So he nods. At any rate, I think now we should part ways. My allies are probably wondering where I am.

Another nod, before he turns away, crumpling up his papers in his hand, intending at some point to destroy them so that no one else can be privy to their conversation. He casts a glance over his shoulder at Initiate, silently wishing the troll well, before he turns and heads off fully.

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