[ota]

[69problems]

WHO| Karkat, the Signless and YOU!
WHAT| Mutant camping, and food sharing if anyone's hungry
WHEN| All through week one
WHERE| Various less-shitty houses around the residential area
WARNINGS| Nothing as of yet; will be updated or marked in-thread

For the first week, Karkat and the Signless wander the rows of houses. Many of them are empty of anything useful, but occasionally they find a can or two to add to their small stock of rations. In a few of them they find bugs hiding somewhere dark like they found in the first one, and on those nights they have to worry at least a little less about running out of food. Once they even manage to trap and take down one of the dogs -- it isn't exactly appetizing, but cooking it as thoroughly as Signless insists on to make sure it's safe to eat masks at least some of the taste.

Mostly, they use the (less dilapidated) houses with fireplaces as overnight camps. The faint glow of their fire can be seen through the grimy windows, especially when it gets dark.

[As a note, the mods have said humans probably shouldn't eat bugs as they'll suffer pretty bad side-effects. If your non-troll character shows up and wants some of their food, it's probably best to have it happen on dog night.]

Comments

[69problems]

Signless sighs and puts an arm around Karkat's shoulders.

"No, you aren't. He was just hurt and saying things he knew would hurt back."

[sleeplessinalternia]

"I hate him," Karkat says, leaning against Signless. "He's such a stupid, smug fucknug. I hate him and I hate his fucking Beforus, he'd never last a second around real trolls."

[69problems]

"His Beforus was my Beforus too," Signless reminds Karkat gently. "And you know how I feel about what you think constitutes a 'real' troll. If you're going to hate him, don't hate him for things that you find pitiable in me."

[sleeplessinalternia]

"You don't spend all your time calling me a fucking savage because I don't act like a fucking Beforan," Karkat retorts.

[69problems]

"Neither does he, until you start antagonizing him by bringing up Beforus in the first place. He knows it will make you angry. He takes the things you say that hurt him far past what's enjoyable bickering and turns them around and makes them about you because he hopes it will make you stop."

Fucking hell, Karkat, you really aren't very good at blackrom. Or just generally knowing what's acceptable.

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Shut up," Karkat hisses. "Look, he's an assnug. End of story."

[69problems]

"Shhh. Shoosh." Signless paps him lightly on the cheek, pulling him a little closer. "You know it isn't. And if you're not ready to deal with it yet, that's fine, but don't pretend there isn't a problem when you know very well there is and it's not entirely on his end. I care a lot about you, Karkat, I don't want this to keep hurting you like it does."

[sleeplessinalternia]

Oh. Okay, Karkat melts a little with the consoling words. Signless is good at the pale thing and okay, it's because he's got a lot of practice. "You do?" he says quietly. He knows Signless does, of course, but he wouldn't mind the extra reassurances.

[69problems]

"Of course I do."

Signless is used to Karkat needing constant reassurance by now. He doesn't think of it as an annoyance so much as just part and parcel of having Karkat as a moirail, and he certainly don't mind making sure the younger troll knows he's cared for.

"You wouldn't be in this pile with me if I didn't."

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Oh come on," Karkat says, "you'd pile anybody." He feels like an asshole after he says that, though, so he quickly adds, "I'm glad you're piling me though. It makes me feel... shit, I dunno. Safer." Even if he was more dangerous than Signless, that didn't change the fact that having the older troll's arms around him was reassuring.

[69problems]

"You know I wouldn't. We've talked about this extensively. There is a difference between feeling pale feelings for more than one person and wanting to jump into a pile with everyone I meet."

And sometimes it does bug him, a little, that Karkat still insists on not recognizing that difference. They've had this talk before, and it stings a little more every time it comes out that it hasn't made any difference.

"I don't pile you because I just feel this compulsion to pile everyone. I pile you because I care about you, because you need it, because I understand your fears and issues in a way not a lot of other trolls do."

[sleeplessinalternia]

Yeah. Now he feels even shittier.

"I know," he says guiltily, burying his face into Signless' shoulder so he doesn't have to look at him. "I know. I was being a douche. Sorry."

[69problems]

Signless runs a hand through Karkat's messy hair.

"I know. I just wish you could be a douche in other ways. This is what I was getting at earlier, about saying things that hurt deeper than other things. I understand lashing out because you feel frustrated and confused, but there are ways to do it that are less harmful. You don't always need to go for rubbing the most salt in the deepest wound."

[sleeplessinalternia]

"But it's something I'm actually good at," Karkat says. "It's not like I'm actually good at a lot of things." Especially not things that trolls should be good at, except for being an asshole.

[69problems]

"But you don't want to be good at hurting the people who care for you and pushing them away, I thought?"

[sleeplessinalternia]

Karkat makes a face into Signless' shoulder. "Stop being so logical," he grumbles.

[69problems]

"I don't think that's something I'm capable of. But I'm very serious. If pushing people away and making them so frustrated and hurt that they stop interact with you is something you want to avoid, don't go out of your way to do exactly that just because you can and think that means you should."

He can't believe Karkat hasn't come to this conclusion on his own, at least once. Maybe having it pointed out to him by someone else will help reinforce that it makes no sense.

[sleeplessinalternia]

Oh, he has. But are you really asking for Karkat's epiphanies to stick? Really?

He doesn't say anything at first, just sighs against Signless' shoulder. "Maybe I don't deserve to have people interact with me anyway," he mumbles, because he thinks about that sometimes. With all the ways he's fucked up, why should he get nice things?

[69problems]

Well, yes. There comes a point where it stops being understandable out of benign ignorance and starts being aggravating out of willful ignorance. At some point, he does expect Karkat to nub up and take responsibility for his actions.

"You know that you do. Everyone does, no matter how frustrating they can be."

As he sees it, Karkat has to make a choice. Either he can make a concentrated effort to not do things he knows drive away the people he cares about, or he can decide that he really does want to just be left alone, and stop whining about people not wanting to be around him. He can't have both.

[sleeplessinalternia]

Yeah. Okay. Fine. But he's not going to verbally acknowledge that. Instead, he's just going to cling tight to Signless, like he's trying to melt into him.

[69problems]

That's fine. He's had a long, tiring night. If he's done talking and just wants to be piled to sleep, Signless can provide that, complete with soft occasional shooshes.

[sleeplessinalternia]

He's almost done talking. A little later, he'll murmur sleepily, "I meant all that shit I said yesterday," and yawn.

[69problems]

He pauses, and even though Karkat can't see it, his expression softens.

"I know you did. And it meant a lot to me, to hear it."

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Mmmm," says Karkat and after that he doesn't say anything more, because he's asleep.