Murderparty Deluxe Extravaganza [CLOSED]

[69problems]

Who: The Signless, the Psiioniic, the Initiate, Karkat Vantas, Terezi Pyrope, and possibly some others
What: Signless does a Bad Thing and sets off a chain of increasingly Bad Things because of it, a lot of people die
When: Now
Where: In the jungle
Warnings: Exactly what is says on the tin; also, suicide.

[Tag in below! It'd be great if threads could go more or less in chronological order but we all know what's happening when so just go wild. It's a party! A murderparty!]

Comments

[69problems]

But he did. He did have the choice, with the Psiioiic, and he did it, because he thought it would help. Because he thought it would make things better. Because he would do anything to fix their relationship, even compromise his deepest convictions, even stain his hands with blood when his entire life was based around a vow never to do so.

He's a fucking fool. He's a fool and a murderer and nothing he does will ever, ever be enough, even taking all that he is and smashing it for the sake of the troll he still pities so much he hates it. He's a failure. In a moment of selfish bitterness he hopes that he doesn't wake up back in the Capitol at all.

"Fuck this. All of it."

Another shiver passes through him and he groans. She'll be able to tell as she touches him that he's burning up with fever.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

Her panic seems to rise as she feels the shivery heat of his skin under her fingertips. He's sick. Did he get desperate for food and eat the plants? She fumbles for her water bottle, to at least give him that little comfort in this moment.

But he speaks and she feels herself freeze. The words pierce her and she can remember him saying almost those exact words in such a different context. Or was it different at all. Trapped in a situation he cannot hope to make any better. Forced to see the folly of his dreams and his hopes. It's natural isn't it. To break. To snap.

No no, he's fine. He can't be breaking. A little water spills as her hands start to shake. She forces them to be still. Forces her stupid feelings and her stupid memories back where they belong, hidden in her mind. His dreams lived in her. His hope could not shatter.

"Kankri, drink something, you're as hot as the sun."

[69problems]

"Don't." He turns his head away. "Don't waste your water."

He knows this must be hell for her, having to watch him die angry, having to watch him die at all even if he'll almost definitely come back. He knows even more certainly that the Capitol is probably eating it up, sighing over how tragic it is, getting ready to replay it over and over and hound the both of them about it whenever they can. If he had more strength, the idea would be making him properly furious, but he's so, so tired.

"Just. Let me die. I'm done."

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"Don't..."

But she stops herself, stops all the words she wants to say. All the anger that burns inside of her, angry at him for giving up, angry at Psiionic and Karkat for suffering, all her selfish anger that boils up inside her, threatening to spill over. How dare he give up, she could never give up. She could never just accept their failure, she could never just let herself die. Why did he get that privilege. Why did he just get to die and let the pain subside for even a few moments. Her fingers curled and broken nails bit into her palms.

"Asshole." She whispered in the space between them and pulled his face to meet hers. Her lips meet his and her kiss is angry, teeth and tongue and maybe he can feel her fury, the things she dares not say where the world can see. She wants to claw at him and make him understand that this isn't just his own pain he's wallowing in. It's her pain, it's the pain she's felt for sweeps and sweeps and...

"You poisoned yourself didn't you."

[69problems]

"It was all I could think of."

She should be angry at him, she should hate him, should want him to be better, to be stronger, like a good kismesis-matesprit-moirail would. He just can't when he knows that no matter how hard he tries it won't matter. He doesn't have the energy to hate her back for not understanding that, for expecting things of him he can't give her, so he just slumps against her and lets her fury wash over him. It's better than grief at least.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"All you could thin--" She cuts herself off with a bite to her lip and angry tears slide slowly down her cheeks. "I was here, I could have helped--anything but fucking poisoning I could have helped you out of, I could have took the culls for you, Psiionic already hates me for all I didn't do and I deserve every bit. He'd never hate me less for it. I could have killed for you, god I would have for you."

"It's not fair." She stares over his head, hands clinging to his waist like he might fall, slip from her grasp.

"It's not fair that I always have to watch you die. Every single--I--I hate you so fucking much. I love you, I pity you, I hate you--more than any other troll in the world, in our last life and in our next, I will never find one I hate or pity more."