"Since I was a boy." It may not seem like an answer, this, but it is one. It'll turn into one, in good time. "Fourteen. I've dreamt of it. This great black shape, amidst a sea of living red. And the sunset. Oh, the sunset. I remember. And I remember. And I re-"
He shudders. Feels the hand on his back. He focuses on the touch and it draws him back, and after a moment, he starts over. "I remember the dreams. I've followed them. Followed it. All my life - or a very great deal of it, anyway. To say it in a way which might come clearer to you, I served it, Firo. I served it, and k- damn it, I'll tell you in the words of my own world one day. You'll hear the High Speech from my own mouth. For now, it's enough to say there are forces which drove me there, forces I served. Ones we all do, in one way or another. We do what we must. And what I must do is done. The thing I always knew that I would do, the place I knew I would go, and I spent so much- I gave so much- Not all of which was mine to give, or oughtn't have been."
"But I was led there, so there I went, no matter the how of it. And now, now it's as if one of your bosses had sent you west - into exile, that is, in the parlance of my old home - without telling you what more they expected of you, or if they expected anything at all. Giving you no task, no direction. I knew what the end of my path looked like, Firo, I always knew. And I reached it. This should be the clearing - but that's more phrasing I've never heard you, nor anyone in this world save those from mine, use. The clearing at the end of my path. The end of this life, at least for me. And now I've passed it, somehow. Freedom is a great and terrible thing, Firo. But you're here."
He looks around at Firo, frowning almost as if the idea confuses him. "You're still here. After it's all ended, someone still is at my side. And that's something."
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He shudders. Feels the hand on his back. He focuses on the touch and it draws him back, and after a moment, he starts over. "I remember the dreams. I've followed them. Followed it. All my life - or a very great deal of it, anyway. To say it in a way which might come clearer to you, I served it, Firo. I served it, and k- damn it, I'll tell you in the words of my own world one day. You'll hear the High Speech from my own mouth. For now, it's enough to say there are forces which drove me there, forces I served. Ones we all do, in one way or another. We do what we must. And what I must do is done. The thing I always knew that I would do, the place I knew I would go, and I spent so much- I gave so much- Not all of which was mine to give, or oughtn't have been."
"But I was led there, so there I went, no matter the how of it. And now, now it's as if one of your bosses had sent you west - into exile, that is, in the parlance of my old home - without telling you what more they expected of you, or if they expected anything at all. Giving you no task, no direction. I knew what the end of my path looked like, Firo, I always knew. And I reached it. This should be the clearing - but that's more phrasing I've never heard you, nor anyone in this world save those from mine, use. The clearing at the end of my path. The end of this life, at least for me. And now I've passed it, somehow. Freedom is a great and terrible thing, Firo. But you're here."
He looks around at Firo, frowning almost as if the idea confuses him. "You're still here. After it's all ended, someone still is at my side. And that's something."