Julian’s terrified of Initiate. The smile and growls, on top of everything else, have made sure of that. It’s still not enough for Julian to completely think he’s a monster. Maybe if Julian had more injuries, was closer to ending up dead, then he could have believed it. Could have used it to help himself feel better about what happens next.

The axe sinks in, and Julian barely even registers it at first, staring at where it meets Initiate’s chest before he realizes what’s happened and the horror sets in.

“Why didn’t… you...” Move out of the way? Julian saw how quickly he ducked away from some of the swings. There’s no way he couldn’t have dodged the axe, too. It all seems like it ended too easily, and now that Julian’s stopped his panic fueled attacks it dawns on him how little Initiate fought back, apart from the few scratches. Julian can’t manage to finish the question though, and he isn’t sure Initiate would even be able to answer. What with the axe that’s still in his chest.

“Shit.” He’d attacked out of fear, but he never expected his attacks to actually work. Julian pulls out the axe and lets go of the weapons, shaking, and then steps back until he’s pressed up against the wall. He can’t do anything but stare at Initiate, guilt now mixed with the fear.