thearena | At night I can't sleep when I try;

Entry tags:

At night I can't sleep when I try;

Who| Kili and Mindy
What| IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWWWWN aka Kili can't hide anymore and they both know one of them has to die
Where| Fifth floor
When| Week 7, forward-dated to after the explosion on Monday
Warnings/Notes | Character death, descriptions of starvation; will update if needed.

Empty. That was the word Kili had been searching for the past hour or day or however long it had been since he settled down back in the hovel of dinosaur bones he had declared home since that blinding flash of light and the collapse of the third floor. His skin smoldered with what felt like hundreds of tiny rivers of fire, but no long could he bring himself to care. After all, when the pains of hunger left him, so did any desire to drink from the strange devices called water fountains or fight. The bones that surrounded him had become a place he could sit and listen as friend after friend died, their name announced too loud in a strange metallic voice. Ellie, Hawkeye, R. They had all been killed and somehow he had survived, perhaps by sheer luck, but he can no longer ignore the heavy silence that weighed him down more and more every day as he no longer cared about the bits of dusty leather from his boots that lost their taste around the same time the pain in his stomach did.

If he hated the silence, then he should have been grateful for the explosion, for the brilliant flash of fire and smoke that woke him from the stupor that had taken hold not long after he stopped eating. Trying to stand, however, proved more trying than he ever expected, the armor too heavy on his thinned arms. Smoke clouded the hall before he could wrench the chain mail off and the alarms overhead could never give enough warning for the hideous rain that followed. Within the first few seconds, he could no longer stand the burning, not for the safety of his bone nest, not for his sword with armor and he scurried across the floor with little more than the pajamas he originally arrived in, even the smallest bit of sprinting winding him.

The steel carriage was little better, but it was at least free of stinging rain and the smoke that made every breath stick in his throat. Water. He needed water. He needed food. He needed a million things that he could never get and for the first time in what felt like weeks, he wanted something, anything, to fill the void that had swallowed up his insides and stretched him so thin he didn't know if he could still cast a shadow.

As soon as he exited on the first floor, he thought he heard footsteps, someone moving in the darkness around him and before he could breathe, he nocked an arrow to his bow and swallowed down Hawkeye's words. He had to kill or be killed, that was the game, and his legs could only hold him up for a little longer; he was dying, he knew, in the back of his mind, even if he refused to think about it.

And then he turned to face the footsteps, his chest heaving with the pain of the burns freezing his pajamas to his skin and the sheer exhaustion that ate into his bones.

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Keep going. No rest. Mindy had gotten pretty filthy up to this point despite having access to running water: she only used it for washing wounds anyway, and Christ knows she was lucky enough to get a patch up by Hawkeye.

And then they killed him, the fucks. Him, the guy with a joke who shouldn't be here too good to be here. Amusement probably. She wanted to at least take him out of there but they'd be coming for him soon enough. In the meantime, she still was walking. There was too much at stake to let this go.

She was moving as quietly as she could on the first floor (had seen better days) when she heard something stirring in the dark. Her hand was on her holster, and she slunk low. Nope. She would not get snipered so easily.

Edited 2014-03-03 20:18 (UTC)

When Kili turned, he found he could once again see nothing in the miserable dark of the museum. The hair on the back of his neck prickles with the painful feeling of being watched by someone somewhere but it's not the first time. Since Hawkeye's death, it had been inescapable, really, and as the days dragged on, the paranoia only worsened. Combined with the fresh burns from the liquid nitrogen, Kili was quite ready to be done with all of this, in one way or another. There couldn't be many tributes left, after all. How many had come in with him? More than fifty would be his best guess, but he had not taken the time to count them and he felt more a fool now than ever. Counting would have given him a better clue or at least a way to pass the time beyond the non-existant sunlight.

At the end of his patience, Kili called out to the darkness, "Is anyone there? I won't hurt you!"

He had said it to each and every person he'd met, with the exception of Iskierka, but now he wondered if he could uphold his words with the way his fingers shook against the fletching of the arrow. Something had to give, this all had to end, and he could not say for sure that he would not take a life before it did.

Male voice. She assessed the words. Could she believe them? You might make up anything in the dark, likely he wanted someone to say something so he's be able to jump them. If he had a long ranged weapon, he could do just that, and a burst of speed could make that easier. Darkness was both an enemy and friend here, but for right now, caution was really the only thing she could make peace with.

She hated this though. She had killed mercilessly, killed one on one and then killed with best intentions but she was pretty close to exhausting her good form. This needed to be over, and it needed an end, but how badly did she want that to be the case?

One way to find out.

Mindy moved quietly to where she was sure her voice would echo, and said, loudly enough, "Prove it!"

Her voice echoed around them and Kili wondered just how young she could be. Another young girl put where she should never be and he shook his head. There was no way he could hurt her; she likely had starved much like him and though death would take them all eventually, he did not want to deal it to her. Swallowing, he set down his bow and arrow with a clatter on the tile floor.

"I've put down my bow," he called back, unsure if that would be enough to ease any fear of hers of his aggression.

She heard something drop on the floor. It could be a lie...but then again if it was he would have said gun, why say bow? That was pretty specific. She lowered her gun, then walked further to reveal herself. Her eyes and ears were open, just in case there was more to what was coming. Right now, she wasn't about to let anyone get an inch on her.

When she laid eyes on the voice, she found he was...shorter than expected. A bow, his size...wait a minute.

"You're the dwarf that was friends with Ellie?"

When she came into view, Kili swallowed and took in just how young she looked. Too young to be in this place and he nudged his bow further away from him with his toes, not thinking about how it might be too far out of his reach if he really needed it. The mention of Ellie only softens the heat of the paranoia against his skin.

"Unless there's another dwarf walking around," he admitted with a weak smile. No, he had not seen any of his kin here and he supposed now that so many had died he was quietly glad for it, too. He didn't want to see his family and friends perish in such a way as this.

"I'm Kíli," he added on, almost as an afterthought. Introductions were probably best if he wanted to get out of this without a slice to his throat.

"I'm Mindy," she said quiet. Fucking shit. Just when she thought that there wasn't going to be yet another kill to regret. A bow and arrow, and if he was a dwarf like in those Lord of the Ring fucking movies, no way this was going to go easy. They already saw each other, that was over. This would be another time that their terms would be laid out, and honestly? Mindy was curious.

"Haven't seen another myself," she said, shifting from one leg to the other. They were both pretty bad, and now that she knew she wasn't going to have to go and kill all crazed, she was a little relaxed

"You look pretty bad, Kili, don't mind me saying. I've got this one last piece of cheese. This place is gonna go down pretty soon. Want a piece?"

Mindy. Alright, that seemed a good start to not killing each other, or at least as far as he knew from experience. Knowing names made it more difficult to slice and maim and Kili did not recognize the item in her hand as a weapon. Still, he sighed in relief at the mention of not seeing any other dwarves and he realized that yes, he did want to be alone here. It was a strange thing, really, to think he didn't want any of his family here when the first couple weeks of the arena he wanted nothing else but his brother's reassurances that things would be alright.

No reassurances, though, could ever make up for what must have been weeks without food now, and he found that his stomach didn't even growl at the mention of cheese. Of course, he did want the cheese, but the fact of the matter was that he had stopped feeling hungry long ago. What would his brother do in a situation like this? What would Thorin do? Would they accept the cheese offered by a girl who likely needed it more than him?

He wanted the cheese, there was no doubt, he wanted it more than sunlight or the breeze on his face and if she offered it freely then there was no reason to turn her down, right?

"I could do with a small bite." He didn't comment on her observation as to his state of being, for if he looked half as bad as he felt he must be something out of a nightmare, really. "Since you're offering."

But could he really take the last piece of cheese Mindy had? Regardless of the questions in his mind, he slowly approached, hands well away from any potential weapon on his person.

"It's not poisoned or anything," she tried to reassure him. "But its been around so, you know I don't want it to spoil. Not as hungry as I was in the last Arena. There was at least more food here. But I'm not going to hang on to it much longer."

No, this was pretty much where all of this was going to end. She'd fought, been stabbed, thrown, seen people die she never wanted to see again. Right about now all that was left was this: she was going to find a way out or die. Food was something she didn't consider now: little bit here and there and strangely enough, her stomach was starting to adjust.

This meeting would end with one of them dying, she knew that. He might, but was buying time. That was all right for now. Death was coming, would come, but until it flat out danced around them she could take a moment.

"Know who set off the rest of the museum, by chance?"

Oh he hadn't even considered poison. His slow gait hitched as the possibility ran through his mind. This could all be a trap, really, but he could hardly believe a girl such as Mindy to do such a thing. She looked so sweet and quite injured, and seemingly not as hungry. Kili could hardly imagine anyone not being hungry here in this horrible museum. After all, the only animals were stuffed with something decidedly not meat.

"There's no animals to hunt here," he grumbled openly as he neared her. "Was told there'd be more camping under the stars."

Clearly what he imagined the arena to be and what he had been stuck in were two very different things. With what Venus had told him, he'd almost looked forward to it and getting to hunt and camp as if he were still on his quest with the company.

"No, but it's up on the fourth floor, whatever it was," Kili grunted. "Lots of fire and smoke."

"Wasn't going to go near the upper floors anyway," Mindy grumbled. "That volcano already made a mess of things figured it would only get worse from there."

She chuckled. "Thought that from the last Arena too, since they stiffed us. Near;y starved to death in it though. Potatoes never tasted so damn good in my life, let me tell you."

She took a drink of water, then sighed. "You get anybody in this one?"

Now that was certainly news to him. From what he'd heard, arenas were outside and hunting was an integral part of staying alive. So far all he had seen was the museum, but the thought that perhaps even the next might not be full of animals he could kill and skin for food made his stomach hurt all the more. He never wanted to feel like this again, never wanted to wonder when his next meal might come along.

"Get anybody?" Kili replied, puzzled for her wording before realizing she meant kill. "No. I..."

His face fell, expression heavy with the sheer exhaustion of the short walk from his bow to her. "I couldn't."

He couldn't save anyone either, which is the more important matter. Every friend he made had been killed until now he stood alone, as a coward who had hid, afraid of his own shadow.

Mindy nodded. So he'd ducked and covered. It was a good strategy wasn't it? you could avoid killing and hurting people, just wait, and there you go. You wouldn't have to take anyone out until the end. Why couldn't she have done that?

Pfft. Right. Yeah. That was exactly what was wrong with people's thinking. You could just pretend it wasn't happening, just avoid the deaths of people around you because you knew they'd be back, right? Except you DIDN'T, there was no way of knowing that, who would sponsor you, who would leave you to die. It was a game of chance you played because you didn't have a choice. What was more, it was not a choice Mindy could make. She wasn't passive enough for it. Her worth in the games, when people looked at her, needed, like anything else, to be shown. In the end, it was what it came down to.

"I could." She said it loud enough that he heard her. Three already, and enough injuries to think long and hard about it. "There's more at stake than just killing someone. You have sponsors. The things you get can help someone out later if that's how you think. You might come back to life, but it keeps asking you the same shitty question: how do you want your death to be remembered?"

Edited 2014-03-04 19:01 (UTC)

Memory and remembrance were an integral part to dwarven culture and one of the reasons why Kili had set off on the quest for Erebor in the first place. He wanted grand tales told about him, to be the heroic subject of a bard's song centuries later. The promised treasure of the Lonely Mountain paled in comparison to the glory of a conquerer, of returning a homeland to an exiled people from the great and terrible Smaug, especially for one so young. He had been told time and time again that he was too young and what had he done to prove them wrong here? Hide and cower in a pile of bones or complain about his growling stomach to Zelos. Was that how he wanted to be remembered? Kili the coward, Kili the beardless, Kili the hungry.

What Venus told him on the very first day he arrived hit him in a flash.

He could be remembered as any of those other things, or he could be known as Kili the Killer, a fearsome warrior and not one to be taken lightly. How they would speak his name with such reverence in the Capitol if he could do something now. He hadn't thought of the next Arena if he lost this one, how sponsors may be less likely to help a dwarf who hid and cowed while his friends died. But would he have any friends to defend if he did kill? Oh Mahal, it all made his head hurt. Why couldn't things be simple? Why couldn't he go back home where he had but one purpose in life? Slaying a dragon seemed much easier then figuring out what to do with himself here.

Still, Mindy gave him an idea and he tried to remember exactly how many paces his bow lay behind him, but he hadn't been thinking about that when he walked away from it. Was it 20? 25? How fast was she? Could he truly bring himself to shoot at her?

"Didn't think about that," he replied sheepishly as he swallowed. Above anything, he had to get back to his bow. A piece of cheese was not worth it. "I'll pass on that cheese."

His body tensed, his heart pumping fervently in his chest as he prepared to dive back for his bow if he needed to.

Edited 2014-03-04 19:27 (UTC)

"Your choice," she said shrugging, "but you know, I was gonna let you eat before we got into it. I'm a killer, not an asshole."

She kicked herself up "Ok, so here's how we'll do this. I'm gonna head into the darkness. Cont to fifty, and after that, we go at each other like we're supposed to. I shouldn't have to tell you to care that I'm a little kid: I'm trying to end your life, and you wanna live, right? So if you get me, I'm your first kill, and you can at least have that after this. If not, well, I go on, do my thing. Go get yoir bow. I'll be after you soon."

With that the girl retreated back to where the light didn't show her: all was silent now.

At first, Kili thought she might attack him right then and there, but when she finished he couldn't help but feel strange about the whole situation. Here, a child was helping him, giving him the fairest chance he would ever have of getting a kill here in the arena. More than ever, he liked Mindy and yet here they were, supposed to kill each other. For sponsors. For the promise of potentially succeeding in the future even if he didn't like what he would have to do in the present to get there.

If he wanted to win, if he wanted to live, he had to be memorable, and not just for hiding and starving. His blood rushed in his ears as he nodded, swallowing once more. Fifty seconds. He backed away from her and scooped up his bow with surprising skill for a dwarf nearly dead of starvation. His eyes searched for the best vantage point, for high ground if he could find it, but the meteor and the statue were hardly scaleable, especially in his current condition. If he wanted to win, he'd have to shoot from the shadows.

So he found the darkest ones he could, his arrow re-nocked and his fingers trembling against the fletching. What if he ran instead? What if he went up the stairwells or the elevator and got out of there before the fifty seconds ended? No. No, that would make him truly a coward. He had to face her, had to kill if he wanted to live. That was the only way out of this. Less than twenty seconds now and he focused his thoughts, trying to imagine her with ashen skin and black eyes, like an orc who had come to kill him or his family.

But no matter how much he tried, he couldn't make it stick. He couldn't apply enough mental paint to obscure the girl underneath. Before he could think of any other way to rationalize this, the fifty seconds were up and the silence suddenly felt so overbearing.

This had to end, now. If it truly were just the two of them remaining, he had to put on a good show for any sponsors, not continue standing here in the dark. So he stepped out, bow raised, string drawn back, and eyes focused on any potential movement.

Mindy had liked him enough too but she was no fool. This guy was likely to be Lord of the Rings dwarves, and that meant he was going to be excellent with the arrow. Once she was in the dark she was already tying her pajama hat to her heat tightly. This was going to have to go as smoothly as possible, or else that was the end. She could have possibly stabbed him in the dark and avoided this, but for now she was patched up and could afford an honest to goodness fight.

She moved with quiet ease, keeping her ears open to hear him give anything away. All she needed was one noise, one ruffle and she would be quick in that direction. She was so intent on this though that she missed her hat coming undone and in the most stomach twisting moments, fell to the floor with a light plop.

Mindy swallowed a swear, hoping Kili didn't hear.

That small sound was all Kili needed. He had been a scout for the company for the past few months and when set on a specific task, he could pick up almost anything. His ears heard her hat fall to the ground and he straightened, swallowed down the questions of whether or not he should fire before he did. The arrow shot across the space between them, and if the twang of the bowstring did not warn her, surely the whistle of the missile through the air would.

Before waiting to hear if it made contact, he drew out another, and hoped this would at least be quick. Neither of them should suffer any longer for Sponsors or anyone else. And, if he died, he would at least go down fighting.

That didn't soothe the panicked beat of his heart as he stepped out from the safety of the shadows to aim a second arrow.

She heard the whistle of the arrow and hastened to get out of the way, and she almost did make it. The arrow got her in the shoulder, and she threw a hand over her mouth to stifle her scream. He was likely already readying for the next arrow. She abandoned the fallen hat and was rushing now. She just needed to head toward where the arrow came and...and he was stepping out of the dark. She was tearing, because FUCK did that hurt, but even through that she was on him quick, knife digging right into his back.

He heard the arrow collide with a body and Kili felt a pain of his own wrench through his heart. He'd hurt Mindy, a girl too young to be in the arena, to be dealing out death. So much so that he hesitated in a second shot, holding onto the arrow until it was far too late. The second shot went wild as the pain seared through his back and he cried out into the dark around them. The arm holding his bow went numb but he spun nonetheless and pulled one of he many knives tucked into his sleeves to swing her way before he could stop himself.

She was so young, his mind kept screaming at him through every survival instinct. He couldn't kill her, he couldn't.

He was hesitating, and she warned him. She wouldn't feel bad now. She pulled the knife out and rolled away, but kipped to her feet again and went for a forward thrust, fast on her feet, moving by pure adrenaline. She wasn't going to go far.

One stop to think about the arrow and she would be in for it. For now, attacking would have to stay on her mind. They'd have this fight now, and see what became of it.

Kili barely got his own knife between hers and his body, blocking the thrust but just barely. Instead, the knife glanced to the side and sliced through the fabric covering his left arm. It couldn't compare to the fire that burned through his back. He swung his own knife at her again, keeping it close to his body like a trained warrior should. With every beat of his heart, however, he knew if the blade met her, he would regret it.

Mindy was on the offensive now, because he was still giving her enough berth to do so, and the hesitation on his part was much more of an insult than he knew. In any case, she could still move and was not about to give him even an inch. She shifted quick and went for a hit to his legs now, her hand slicing down to keep his body pinned.

This time, he couldn't move fast enough. Her knife sunk down easily into one thick thigh and he nearly screamed in pain as he went down with it. As he did, however, he kicked out with his good leg, not so much aimed as in her general direction. Every time he moved, every time his body reacted on instinct and training, he wished it wouldn't. It wanted to survive and win and Kili didn't want to hurt or kill her, but he already had. Two stab wounds wouldn't kill him, but blood loss certainly could and, considering how much bright red blood gushed from the wound in his leg, that might be a very real possibility.

Mindy moved back, grunting as she did: she may have gotten two stabs in, which would lead to death, but there was still very much an arrow sticking into her shoulder, and every move she made just made it worse. She needed to end this quickly because she needed to take care of this wound. Shen pulled the knife out, panting, and she made one more slash in the chest area.

She really wished this would be over. Under any circumstances, she would likely have gotten along with the guy, but there was just too much for her to lose right now, and she needed this to end so she could regroup.

Kili took that extra space for the chance to get a good look at her. His arrow stuck out from her shoulder and he hated himself for putting it there. A child. He had hurt a child. What sort of sponsors would help him for this? Just as that thought finished, another blazed through his mind, insisting that he do away with all of these questions and kill her then and there. He had to help her, in some way, get her out of here.

Her knife swung down and he had a heartbeat's worth to move, but he didn't. He hesitated once more and steel plunged into his chest in an answering gush of red.

As darkness ate into the edges of his vision, Kili tried to find his breath, to say anything, to apologize for the arrow, to say he wanted to still be remembered in some way but that he was a coward and died like one too. More than ever, he wanted to be in the safety of the Blue Mountains, curled up by his mother's hearth with his brother beside him, soothing away his worries with a song or joke. The cold tile of the first floor was nothing like home and, despite Mindy's presence, Kili had never felt so truly alone in the world.

Perhaps Hawkeye was wrong about choosing to not kill. It would do him no good to not fight back, to cower and hide, but the doctor had also given him advice about dying.

Kili stared up at Mindy, still not quite dead but certainly fading fast.

"There's knives in my boots," he barely managed around a mouthful of blood and oh how even those few words hurt so much. Every part of him began to grow cold and fear stole over him just as quickly. "Take them."

Had he made the right choice? Would he wake up again back in his room like he'd been told? Was this all just some strange nightmare? People were supposed to wake up when they died in dreams, perhaps that would be what happened to him.

That he took as a small comfort, believing that when he opened his eyes next, he would find that he had drank too much in Rivendell and ended up dreaming half an adventure and half a strange new world. He would be beside his brother again, wrapped up in his bedroll amongst the finest company of dwarves ever seen. There would certainly be many hugs and quite a lot of telling of this strange tale.

That was it. That was the killing point. They both knew it, and she could see the hesitancy in him had ended this fight. That was annoying, at least to the part of her that relied on her skill, but the lingering part of her that saw what this had made her, what she was doing now. It was only the second Arena but she was moving up fast, taking down the people in her way. In the end, it was the drive that kept her going, that let her continue to move despite this violating the very core of who she was.

But the games brought them back. She had to remember that. The illusion of permanent death stopped most people, the REAL version of the Hunger Games that had ended with Katniss. Whatever hang ups, whatever moral fiber, it was all to allow others to go on, move through the throng and get to the prize. It was brutal and mind fuckery at best, and she had to separate herself from that. She killed, but only the murderous, and this game had undone her very tenants.

Him saying that made this worse. She narrowed her eyes, and closed them. For a moment that doubt washed over her: the boy, his mate, Pruna, Sandy and now Kili. The arrow in her shoulder: it at least reminded her that she was not getting out of this easy and free, and she deserved that.

"I'm taking the armor too," she said quietly. "You'll wake up again, in the Capitol. Friendly advice: don't hold back because we're children. They use to be the only competitors here, and they are brutal. You shouldn't have hesitated, you fucked up there. You're better than that."

She paused. "I'll look you up, Kili. If it wasn't for this, we'd have better shit to talk about."

Mindy's words don't ease his mind, but Kili is quietly thankfully she at least doesn't seem to be angry with him. He's not quite sure why he thought she would be in the first place. Perhaps so all of the warnings from his mother and Thorin about not being reckless in battle, about not making stupid choices that would get him killed. Yet here he was, dying, his vision slowly turning to black, but he couldn't say if he did the right thing or not. He had gotten so few things from sponsors already and he doubted he would get any from them in the future. Had he just ruined any chance to ever escape the games?

Swallowing down a mouthful of blood, he watched her as she spoke those last few words, his lip trembling. Hawkeye had told him that the best they could do here was to have a friend when they died, to not be alone, suffering horribly. If not for the explosion, he supposed he would be doing just that: starving to death in a shelter of bones. He wasn't sure exactly if Mindy could exactly be counted as a friend, considering she just stabbed him three times, but it would have to make due for now.

The cold of before stretched deeper into him, robbing him of his ability to breathe deeply and he could hardly see her through the darkness in his vision. He wanted desperately to believe that he would wake up but not here, not here, Mahal not here. If he thought of home, if he wished it enough, he would simply be there again, he told himself as feeling quickly disappeared from his limbs. Fili would be worried about such a nightmare he'd had, offer him extra breakfast, and perhaps even sing him a song. Everything would be alright if he just believed it would be so. Sheer willpower had not failed him yet on the journey.

"Stay," he gasped up at her. Kili didn't know if she was about to get up or not, but he didn't want to be alone. Not for this. "Just for—"

And then it was over.

He sagged down against the tile, eyes still wide open, mouth ajar with what had been another word that would never be spoken.

Stay.

It jolted her and there was a look on Mindy's face now: one of surprise and, clearly, pain. She could stand Pruna's defiant stare, Sandy's confusion and anger and even the boy's look of surprise when she slit his throat: that would only haunt her at night, she knew, in the time she had no control over her subconscious mind.

But stay? Her? She killed him. She told him quickly and quietly, and then killed him. Why would he want her to stay?

When Guy had killed her, it was out of mercy. Legless she knew blood wouldn't clot fast enough, that she would die of either loss or shock, and it meant something that he stayed for her and mercy killed her. But she had caused this to Kili and he wanted her company.

Either way, he passed now, right before her. Mindy sank to the floor now, sighing, moving for the knives. She'd need them. Next, the armor. She would need that too but she would be careful, because the arrow was there and she knew enough that it had to stay there or the wound would get worse. She only needed to last a little longer, hopefully.

Once she took the items, she dragged his body with her back in the darkness. Staying in the light was stupid: they would get killed. In the dark, no one could see her, and she could at least let a few tears go. He died slow, quiet, with a dignity the others hadn't. It reminded her of the death that had always lingered on her mind, before the games: dad, burned, accepting his fate and saying goodbye. This was too much like that for her to get anything but pan from this.

"I would have stayed," she mumbled quietly, answering no one but the dark. "But I'm shitty company these days. You were better off with Ellie."

Edited 2014-03-05 04:40 (UTC)

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At night I can't sleep when I try;

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