Guilt? So far as Joly would have been concerned, there was no one who was responsible for them ending here, save the gamemakers. There was no blame Courfeyrac could bear for that, and if there was guilt in feeling relief that someone he was closer to was here, then Joly was guilty as well. And guilty, probably, in his longing for Lesgles right now. Not that he was planning to say a word about him. He had learned that much, that they were always watching.
He'd not yet died himself, but he had known that it was coming, and soon, at the barricades. He had anticipated that death, even though he had not wished for it under the best of circumstances, but it had seemed a fitting enough end. Really, all that he HAD wanted was to be able to ease those of their brothers at the barricade that he could before he died.
Instead, well, he had ended here, was what he'd done. And terrible though this was, and he had the feeling he was not yet grasping the full horror of this, it was far more terrible he had not been able to stay with the others at the barricade. They'd begun this all together, and should have ended much the same, and he grieved for Bahorel, and for Prouvaire, along with those who's deaths he knew were coming. While he had not yet crossed the threshold himself, he had seen enough to know what was coming, and had witnessed enough others crossing it that he had seen it in his day. Deaths here were certainly far different, indeed.
Courfeyrac's presence was a comfort though, at least, even as his words were laced with dread. Not Hell then. As Courfeyrac continued speaking, he found himself frowning, and that frown growing deeper with those examples given.
"No." He found himself agreeing with the other's assessment. "Hell WOULD be far different. There's something more of a fairness in which soul travels there. And, of course, we stay together, and work towards our wellbeing for the lady's sake above all else. If it had been..." He started, then abruptly shut his mouth. He was NOT giving them Musichetta, even in just a tidbit for the cameras he'd been told were ever present. The last thing that he needed was for one of them to be zooming in just now, on that.
"Well, always for the lady, at any rate." Joly finished, forcing a smile on his face instead. He did not feel it, he was terrified, but there was a goal in mind, and it gave him some incentive, at least, not to break completely, not, and a stab of embarrassment rushed over him now, as he had just done. He felt a little warm now, and this time, knew that it was from no fever. All those people who had seen his moment of panic, who would think not to trust him now...He felt pathetic, actually, considering the advertisement he'd just given countless people here.
"So." He continued, trying for levity, much as he could. "I suppose we just...play the game?"
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He'd not yet died himself, but he had known that it was coming, and soon, at the barricades. He had anticipated that death, even though he had not wished for it under the best of circumstances, but it had seemed a fitting enough end. Really, all that he HAD wanted was to be able to ease those of their brothers at the barricade that he could before he died.
Instead, well, he had ended here, was what he'd done. And terrible though this was, and he had the feeling he was not yet grasping the full horror of this, it was far more terrible he had not been able to stay with the others at the barricade. They'd begun this all together, and should have ended much the same, and he grieved for Bahorel, and for Prouvaire, along with those who's deaths he knew were coming. While he had not yet crossed the threshold himself, he had seen enough to know what was coming, and had witnessed enough others crossing it that he had seen it in his day. Deaths here were certainly far different, indeed.
Courfeyrac's presence was a comfort though, at least, even as his words were laced with dread. Not Hell then. As Courfeyrac continued speaking, he found himself frowning, and that frown growing deeper with those examples given.
"No." He found himself agreeing with the other's assessment. "Hell WOULD be far different. There's something more of a fairness in which soul travels there. And, of course, we stay together, and work towards our wellbeing for the lady's sake above all else. If it had been..." He started, then abruptly shut his mouth. He was NOT giving them Musichetta, even in just a tidbit for the cameras he'd been told were ever present. The last thing that he needed was for one of them to be zooming in just now, on that.
"Well, always for the lady, at any rate." Joly finished, forcing a smile on his face instead. He did not feel it, he was terrified, but there was a goal in mind, and it gave him some incentive, at least, not to break completely, not, and a stab of embarrassment rushed over him now, as he had just done. He felt a little warm now, and this time, knew that it was from no fever. All those people who had seen his moment of panic, who would think not to trust him now...He felt pathetic, actually, considering the advertisement he'd just given countless people here.
"So." He continued, trying for levity, much as he could. "I suppose we just...play the game?"